WELL DONE GIRLS
Kevin Lee Smart
28.12.73 - 05.09.07
This blog site is in memory of our dear departed and much loved friend Kevin Smart, who died suddenly on the 5th September 2007. Please post any memories or stories you have of Kevin over the years. how you met? and fond memories you shared? what he meant to you etc. etc.
It will help us remember all the happy times we shared together and keep his memory alive.
Thanks
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185 comments:
Some great pics on here from everyone, please click on comments at the bottom and leave some messages! The Smarty Party will live forever in these photos and in our memories.
Thank you Colin for setting up this blog - its so wonderful to see so many piccies of Kev having fun over the years. Thank you for everything else you have done as well xxxx
I met Kev through Colin.
The best way to describe him is to say that once you met Kev, then you would never forget him.
Kev was a true gent that lived life to the full and will not be forgotten.
Morris
Everytime I've gone to post a comment I cant quite find the words to describe Kev.. Ive decided there are no words - he was my hero and always will be..
Also I'm in the process of sorting some very embarassing piccies of Kev from the babydom years to try and add or get col to..
xxx
I love each and every one of these pictures, Same as I love Kevin, without condition. Anyone who has any other pics please put them on because these and memories are all we have left. Thanks Colin for setting up this blog and for being such a good friend to Kev.xx
I met Kevin and the boys through Abbie Phillips about 13 years ago !!! My goodness.......him and friends made me larf on many an evening out in various 'Southern' clubs. He even came to my 21st birthday party. I will always remember his boy racer cars, longer fingers than Abbie and brother who took his clothes off (folded nicely) when using the bathroom. Im sure he is cringing at the thought of me posting such items. Love to all the friends and family associated........Gilly.
I've known Kev since the 1st year of Ricky school - At age 12 I had never met a ginger before and it was nice to know they are just like the rest of us (Kev was blessed in many other ways too) - and I will always regret the fact that Kev ended up up on Pro Evo on me and i never got the chance to level the score - but i hold to the fact he always gave me the bad controller...
Kev has lived a full life that a lot of people will not do if they live to 70 - so I think that even though we will always feel a great loss of such a special guy, we can take some comfort in the fact that he made the most of his even though it was cut short.
Best wishes to Natalie and all his family.
Rest in peace Kev.
Its taken me a long time to find the strength to look at the blog. I love all these pictures, each one showing Kevins love of life. I miss Kevin more than words can say, every hour, minute, second and breath i take im thinking of him. He was my world, my future and "my one". It is Kevins strength and love of life that keeps me going. There are so many things i miss about him but most of all i just miss him holding me. A big thank you to everyone, especially Collin for setting up the blog and being the best buddy Kevin could have.
Kev
Mate, that purple shirt!
It brings out your eyes.
all love
arvy
(pillar box red)
I had only met Kevin a couple of times, and that was enough to see how happy he made Natalie. A truly wonderful, funny, caring and loving guy.
Kevin always looked out for his mates and I guess I'll always remember him for that. (Oh that and getting me out of sticky situation when I "lost" my mums car keys in a club and came out to see an unlikely group of undesirables waiting by the car - Hero moment!)He was always the orgainser and the leader as he organised us to our clubbing events way back when... He was always "whooping" the loudest and dancing the hardest.
When Kev and Nat got together, I saw the loving boyfriend side of him and loved to take the mick (with glee in my heart) at how happy they made each other. So thank you Kevin for making my Nat so happy and I wish you could have stayed around a lot longer to add to the ginger race! You will be missed, but not forgotten.
I just have to say in defence of Adam (Kev's little bro) that he was only 5 or 6 years old when the clothes and the Bathroom incident went on. He's Twenty one in a couple of weeks!
Also, Arvy, Kev's taste in shirts was alway impeccable... old boy..
xx
I've known Kev since school and he's always been one of my best mates. Always knew the right thing to say even if you didn't want to hear it and was always the centre of attention in any occasion. think about you every day and will miss you always mate
RIP
I got to know Kev when I first came down south from the north (Kev would frequently ask me when I was going back!) around 1997 through Colin.
I've had so many brilliant times with him that there just isn't enough space. As many people have said that once you met him you never forgot him and I will never forget him.
A great man and friend - life will just not be the same without him. He is desperately missed.
RIP
I have thorght long and hard of all the memories i have of kevin, yet cant think of one particular thing, time or moment to sum up all the times we had together,
I met kevin at school ( oh the good hair days!) and then on through college and on to the heady clubbin days and then some, we drifted about 6/7 years ago i guess, meeting up maybe a couple of times a year.
I have learnt so much more about him and the man he became, since his swift departure, i wish he was still around to talk about all these things he has done.
My love and thorghts are with all those that miss him, he has left a whopping great big hole!! xxx
We were growing very fond of Kevin. He had made our Natalie so happy - and they just looked so good together. A perfect match, Jill and I thought. Always laughing at and with each other.
But the laughter was not to last. Life has a habit of slapping us in the face sometimes. Yet happiness and love, no matter for how long, is something to be cherished. Rest in peace Kevin. We'll miss you.
Jill and Peter.
OH MY GOD - WE SHOULD REALLY CONSIDER SELLING SOME OLD FAMILY PICCIES TO THOSE CARD MANUFACTURERS SO THEY CAN ADD THEIR FUNNY COMMENTS AND SELL MILLIONS...
;-)
I knew Kevin from many years ago (about 13 i think) when I worked with him at Camelot. Great times, lots of drunk times and not much work done!
He was fabulous!
I think this blog is a truely wonderful idea and shall help all his close friends and family immensly.
£823 has been rasied in memory of Kevin for Make-A-Wish.
Make-A-Wish is a charity that grants wishes to children and young people with life threatening illnesses so thanks to all who contributed.
Always impeccably dressed I met Kevin at Watford college where I got introduced to the Croxley gang and have been friends ever since.
We shared some great times. Especially our trips down to the Isle of Wight. There's been so many great nights out over the years I don't even know where to start.
But I do know I've lost a dear friend. One of a kind.
Skermy
As Skermy says, Kev surely was one of a kind. I am still in shock! This year has claimed the lives of so many I know, it's so sad...
These pics bring back some fab memories of my teens. I hadn't seen Kev and the gang for many many years so it was great to see everyone when Tasha and Jason finally wed 2 years ago. Kev was his usual high spirited witty self.
My thoughts and sympathy are with his family and friends. God bless, RIP.
Alice
I love reading everybodys comments on this blog its why I set it up in the first place. Its the best way we can keep in touch, and share comments about somebody who was very dear to us all and smile at each and every photograph which brings back a happy memory. Please if you have'nt already add your comments and pass details of this blog onto others who knew Kev.
Like Skermy I met Kevin at Watford College in '92' and I think probably within an hour we were taking the piss out of each other and becoming friends. I'll never forget how Kevin took me under his wing and asked me out with his friends at weekends as at that time I was a bit of a billy-no-mates with alot of my mates away at University. It would be the start of a strong friendship and lots of shenanigans.
Kevin ... simply put you were my best friend but in truth if kevin knew you he was the best friend anyone could have he was a caring, generous human being and he cared about people. Like many of us I can't put into words how much I miss him and how much I'm gonna miss him in my lifetime. There's so many things I loved about Kevin, big things,little things, stupid things. When we would go out with the lads I used to watch Kev and admire his love of his mates and his love of life it would often make me smile. It would'nt matter where we were Kev would take the bull by the horns and say 'Lets ave it'he was great at raising his mates, he was'nt really one for chilling out. As I said at his funeral to kev 'Life was for living' and boy did he live it.
He was was one of the funniest people I ever met and his laughter was infectious, he was infectious, he could make you laugh just by raising an eyebrow. You would'nt be in a bad mood for long with Kev around. His philosophy was simple 'grab the moment' and he did.
Kev you were my best friend, my soul mate, in many ways my brother and a massive part of my life. I will never ever forget you or stop thinking of you, you will remain with me for the rest of my life.
As Richard Ashcroft once said
'I hope to see you on the other side'
Rest in peace pal
Love Col
it's been 2 months since kev's sudden death and it still seems so unreal.Many of the comments left on this blog ecco my thoughts and feelings.I have known kev since 1985 when we went to ricky we had so many good times from playing snooker at omt to cutting up the grass at my mums house on my little motorbike oh and not forgetting breaking the bedroom window with a football.I think our friendship had grown over the last couple of years since he moved back to ricky often watching football roung his house or having a few beers at the friday fox club.I was going to ask him to be godfather to my son Sam but unfortunatly i have left it too late.Kevin's greatest qualitys were his generosity and honesty it's down to him i have over 1500 songs on my itunes!Always first and last to the bar.I can't see a day going by when i don't think of kevin or the phone call from tash on that fateful night.
RIP MATE WE'LL NEVER FORGET YOU
I miss him! I feel I didnt see him enough but I know that he was always there for me - as he was for so many. I want him to know that I admired him and thought that he was the greatest! I too remember a broken window with him around.
Love you Kev and miss you so much
XXXXX
Yes I agree that it still seems unreal that Kev is gone, in my sensible head I know its true, but in my mummy head I don't want it to be!
Just wanted to say what great friends Kev had, I know he loved you all, same as you loved him. Its great that you grew up together but its such a shame that you won't grow old together and watch your children grow up too!
He wasn't always the life & soul of the party with the family, sometimes he could be a miserable little git but we loved him to bits anyway.
I had Kev when I was seventeen so as you can see I had him for all of my adult life. He was a beautiful baby, could be an awkward little boy,could also be a moody teenager, was a good looking youth and an awesome adult.
We miss you like hell and will love you forever. xxxx
Every time i look at these pictures and read the messages it makes me cry. I miss kevin more and more every day. The house is so quite without him. I agree with Deb when she says he wasnt always the life and soul of the party.You should have heard him rant when i smashed his car and then an even bigger tantrum when he reversed into my car a few weeks later only just having it repaired from the previous crash. He made me promise not to tell a soul ( im sure it got out at Friday fox club one evening)
I also miss his obsessiveness with sqidging the bathroom screen to the point where he actually use to get in and do it before i had even finished.
There are so many things i miss, too many too mention but I just wanted to say, Kev, you were my life, my one and i am sorry that i wont get to grow old with you or continue the ginger race. I wish i had the chance to say goodbye before i went to work the morning of the 5th.
I love you lots ( ps i love me too)
Nxx
I've known Kev since I was 11. We were in the same class together, and I still knew Kev when Dave told me the news... News I still can't get out of my head. Seems surreal. Seems odd to say, but we've had a few friendships over the years. From camping in the New Forest and hanging around in Watford as kids, to the Watford drinking days, to the London clubbing days, to the living in London days followed by the occasional meet up at the pub, or out around town. There are many stories to tell from each of those era, some that Kevin would probably rather me not share on the World Wide Web, but I should dig out the photos. Never a dull moment. Kevin was always one of the first to say keep in touch. Something I didn't do very well I am sorry to say. But the times we did meet up, it was like there had been no time in between. Kevin was far better at keeping friendships active. He had and still has many friends. He was a good friend to many, and even though we hadn't met up for a while, he is missed.
Rest in peace mate. In many ways you are still around. Our thoughts are with you.
Obviously i got to know Kevin through seeing Lynn which has got to be about ten years (i am sure she will correct me on that though ) .
From the first Sunday lunch which i got invited to when i got to meet the family , i found him a really easy going bloke to get along with and he always made me feel welcome.What a bonus it was to find out he was well into football and having the game on after lunch was never a question.
I feel Quite sad Jake and Rhys will never get to properly meet their Uncle Kevin ,but we will all make sure they will get to know what a great bloke he was .The only good thing on that note is that he won't get to brainwash them into being Man.U fans.
We all miss you mate and don't think i have forgotten about those socks , i will be popping round to get them back for one last time.
R.I.P kev .
I keep thinking of oh so may memories and when somethings a bit fuzzy i think 'I'll ask Kev that' then it hits me all over again, each time, that i wont ever get to ask him things :-( I miss him more and more every day and cant quite get over the unjustness of it all :-(
I cant believe we'll never be able to throw banter at eachother ever again :-(
We Thought Of You Today
We thought of you today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought of you yesterday
And will tomorrow, too.
We think of you in silence
And make no outward show.
For what it meant to lose you
Only those who love you know.
Remembering you is easy,
We do it everyday.
It's the heartache of losing you
That will never go away
Love you so much Kev and miss you more than words can say xxx
Col, thanks for organising this dedication, you’ve done Kev proud…
Kev and I first met at Rickmansworth School in 1985. We didn’t hit it off immediately. Looking back, I think we were a bit wary of each other, coming from different schools, jostling for position. So we kept our distance for a while. But it wasn’t long before we let our guards down. Jonny Euden, a mate of ours who lived a couple of doors up the road from me, invited me round to his place and Kev was there. We spent the afternoon listening to music, talking about football and bullshitting about all the girls we’d been with (at least I was bullshitting…). I can still hear Kev whistling (in that distinctive high pitched tone) ‘I Can’t Wait’ by Nu Shooz – he loved that tune (he was only twelve…). So that was how our friendship began, twenty or so years ago.
I grew up with Kev so I’ve got hundreds of stories about him, but there’s one night in particular that stands out. It was back in 2000, I think. Col, Dave, Ian and I were renting a house on St Paul’s Place in Islington. As he often did, Kev had come up after work on the Friday and was supposed to go back home on Saturday, but we persuaded him to stay. A girl I really fancied (and still do, thinking about it…) was having a party in Crouch End that night so I suggested we head down there. We had the afternoon to kill so we went down the Elbow Rooms in Chapel Market to play a few games of pool. I was quite keen to impress Christine (the girl who was having the party) so I said to Dave and Kev that we shouldn’t get too pissed before the party. Naturally, my suggestion was laughed off and we ended up spending the afternoon in there drinking, joking and laughing. We left late afternoon, sailed back to St Paul’s Place on a wave of high spirits, mixed some industrial strength G & Ts and got ourselves ready for the party. We were all well pissed by the time we left for Crouch End, but, surprisingly given his Keith Richards-like propensity for booze, Dave was by far the worst off. Kev soon latched on to it and started taking the piss out of him. ‘Look at that fucker!’, he said to me as Dave stumbled up the road in front of us.
By the time we got to Crouch End, I’d slumped to Dave’s level. All thoughts of going to the party had left my mind and Dave and I were ready to call it day. But, typically, Kev wouldn’t have none of it; he’d stayed over to go the party and he was gonna make it come what may. He dragged us down Pizza Express, ordered a couple of American Hots, plied us with wine and gradually talked us round. It did the trick and we finally got to the party around 21.00. We stood out like a couple of pork pies at a Jewish wedding when we arrived and desperately tried to keep it together as Christine introduced us to her wine-sipping, olive-eating, well-to-do friends. The party eventually got going and we had a right laugh taking the piss out of everyone and tucking into the free booze. I split up with Kev and Dave for a while and when I bumped into them again they were sitting on the stairs giggling to themselves, eyes lit-up like Christmas trees. Kev had decided the party needed livening-up a bit so he’d sneaked into one of the girl’s rooms and nicked a few pairs of her knickers. We sat there pissing ourselves – three grown men, three sheets to the wind, with three pairs of knickers between us. We decided it was time to leave, so we said our goodbyes and stumbled out onto the street when Kev gave us a shout. Dave and I turned round to see him with a pair of the panties on his head. He urged us to slip a pair on ourselves, so Dave and I obliged, before starting the long walk back to Islington (via a kebab shop) - each with a pair of knickers on our heads…
It was a brilliant night and will always remind me of Kev. We always used to have a laugh about when we met up for a drink. It seems ridiculous that we won’t be able to recount the tale again. My only comfort is knowing that Kev lived a full life. He had real spirit and a brilliant attitude – I really admired him for it. He loved his friends and family and everyone who got to know him loved him too. I know I did, and I miss him dearly. RIP mate.
Just to let everybody know that Kev's new place is in Woodcock Hill (cemetry) which is passed Tesco going towards Harefield. He is in Section K and if you feel you need a few words I'm sure he'd be pleased to see you.
Bit muddy up there at this time of year so take extra shoes or like us tesco bags for your feet.Which I'm sure Kev would have taken the piss out of! He would have had sefridges bags at least! We all miss him so much and its getting harder not easier. Its coming up to the Birthdays & Xmas time of Year and its going to very hard to get through it without him!
Love and miss him sooo...much.xx
What an amazing tribute to Kevin …. This just proves he was a very special person. Everyone has such precious memories which we should all cherish forever. I’ll never forget his charm, wit & humour – he was such a genuine person.
Like others, its taken me a while to read this blog go through the photos & believe he’s not around anymore, it seems that life delivers such hard knocks sometimes which we have to deal with which just aren’t fair ….
Kevin & I used to have a little joke together around this time of year about the rubbish timings of our birthdays – it’ll be weird without him ….. lets make sure we raise a glass, continue to celebrate his life, & share our treasured memories.
Xx
I remember Kev's 16th Birthday - he was very "emotional" and stomped around the house as no one wanted to go out and celebrate cos of the unfortunate time that it falls!
However, I know that he didnt always feel like this and Im sure he had a few great birthday celebrations after this.
And Im sure this year we shall all do him proud and continue the celebrations and have a drink or ten just for him...however sad it may be too!
There was a great article in the Sun - very ampt - for those who wanna have a read:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article531526.ece
KEV - I miss you bruv. I missed getting money for my birthday for me to save and give it you back for yours (minus a tenner sometimes ;o)) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sorry the link is:
www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/
article531526.ece
xx
This is a brilliantly worded poem which Kevins mum Debbie wrote and read at kevins final resting place in Rickmansworth. I think we can all see alot of Kev and what we loved about him in it. I know I cried aswell as smiled whilst listening to it, it was a brilliant and fitting heartfelt tribute Debbie.
Its sometime now since you have gone,But somehow we have to carry on, We miss your voice, your laugh and That Whistle,
So here we are you’ve left us ‘ripples’ Since you are gone, the sun has shone, The moon has waxed and waned, But life for us will never ever be the same.
No more phone calls, ‘Alright?’
‘I’m alright, you alright?’
‘Not bad, Not bad’
No more nights as jack the lad.
No more Type R with stereo pounding,For as a young man you were outstanding.You shone at work, you shone at play,But now you’ve gone so far away.
What shall we do, how can we cope?
For you to us were such a good bloke.
We all loved you, you loved us back, Now how can we fill this terrific gap you’ve left behind
In truth we can’t, and nor do we want to, For you my son you were unique, A one off now life is bleak.
But for me you did not die,
You are not dead,
You are in some far off land instead,
With seas of blue and golden sands,
For there you’ll walk on sun kissed shores, Without a care, without
a worry, No more to the station
in a hurry.
Not to age, grow bald or fat,
You really wouldn’t have liked that!
Old age is a pisser, or so I’m told
For you have left us to face the cold of life without you.
For here you’ll be, up in the sun,
You really are the chosen one.
So for now, my son,
Night night, god bless,
You really were the very best!
Kevin Lee Smart 28.12.73 – 05.09.07
By Debbie Smart
just to let you all know that Kevins friends and colleagues at Xbridge have very kindly had a bench made and engraved to Kevin and his fellow colleague who also tragically died just before Kev.
The bench for those who would like to visit is situated in Finsbury Square (near the Bowling Green) London EC2
Thanks to Arvinder and Co. it was very thoughtful
So Here it is merry Xmas, everybodies having fun! You all know the song by Slade. Well that song was No.1 at Xmas 1973, the year Kev was born. Never heard it but thought of Kevin as a baby and in a way not so long ago. Never ever thought I'd be here at Xmas 2007 and he'd be gone! Life is shit sometimes & for us at the moment all of the time.
Still we could all wallow in self pity ( and perhaps do) but we are not alone in losing someone dear to us (especially sons, daughters,brothers, sisters, grandchildren even) it's just for us this year its still so new and so raw. So this xmas if you read this remember all the families like ours where there's an empty chair at the table and if you have time in the next couple of days (especially Friday) which coincidentally was the day Kev was born on and raise a glass for him.
Love you, Kev and miss you more each day. Mum xx
Yep here we get to Christmas :-( A day which Kev loved - always a very cheery face on chrimbo day all be it a very drucken cheery face.. What makes christmas so hard is that Kev loved it!!
I remember xmas' gone by; when we've had to wait to open our pressies (dad tut tut ;-)), sitting around in PJ's, dressing gowns, tea, pate on toast, marmalade on toast, the artichoke, hungover mornings, scalextrix, commodore 64s, sega's, staying awake, socks, chocolates, christmas pud, sherry trifles and thats not all in one year but sooo many things over the last 30(for me)yrs that I cannot list them all.........
Ive never had a christmas without Kev and Im still awaitng he's phone call asking what i want for christmas then him telling me what he wants.. o how we so want that phone call i know :-( ....
Kev, obviously, never expected not to be here not to see Jakes first 'proper' christmas or Rhys' first christmas. I remember how excited he was last christmas along with Ad putting together Jake's Hippo ride-on and QuadBike and how much we all laughed at Jake's spiderman that Ad brought - it sings 'itsey bitsey spider' AND the spiderman theme tune - I think he found it funniest coz he was still so drunk ;-)
Jake was born at 7.45pm on New Yrs eve 05 and Kev was one of the first people to hold him.. God i regret not taking a picture of that - but then again i didnt have a camera in my pocket in the maternity ward of watford general.. So people, take every opportunity and take as many pictures in this life as you can, other than in memory you cannot capture those pictures again..
Tomorrow, Friday, new yrs eve and new yrs day will be so hard for lots of us....but just as hard as every single day of the year really coz Kev you are always in our thoughts
All my Love always Kev xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
o my god i cannot believe i forgot to list one, more than memorable thing, about years gone by: CHEATING AT BOARD GAMES... Kev loved to cheat at any game and it became a challenge for him to; monopoly was stealing and hiding the bankers money on the 'ledge' under the table, then to later yrs when playing poker he blatently stole money from the bank under our drucken noses..
We never did sus out how to play the game of 'risk' but then again I dont think kev tried to as i think that game was a little hard to cheat in...
Oh Kev - wonder if you'd have managed to sus out cheating at the DVD games now xxx
Miss you more than i can express xxx
Our thoughts are with you all.
Lynn - You forgot to tell everyone about our "acting" career every christmas when we were REALLY young! I remember re-enacting the No Smoking advert with Superman (if you remember that - you're officially old) and doing the navitivity play with Teatowels on the head to be wisemen and Mary! Kev never cheated at that obviously!
Kev - I miss you so much - especially the drunken smirk on Christmas day - Love you xxxxxxxxx
Happy Birthday - 33 forever!
Love you Kev xxxx
Hi Folks
This is the first time I've looked at the blog this christmas. I must say apart from the year my dad died I don't think I've felt so upset at christmas time a time when we should all be feeling happy and merry and bright. But as we all know (as Lynn said) christmas is a sad time for a lot of people who've lost someone they loved dearly. Kev did love christmas and whenever someone wanted to go out or have a party he'd always say I'll be there with bells on. OK he loved any excuse for a booze up :-) but he genuinely loved christmas and often called me a ba-humbug for not feeling the same as him.
We all got together at mine and emma's house last night in memory of kevins birthday and we all raised a glass to him all of us still in disbelief that we'll never see him again, still in disbelief he has gone because we all still feel his presence in our lives so strongly (no memories have faded) in fact more return again and again. It was somewhat of a comfort to be in a room of people who loved him and who he loved back, we all thought of kevins family and Natalie in Norfolk and were with you all in spirit as I'm sure Kev was. I remember this day 1 year ago we were getting ready to leave for Hamburg and we were excited about our trip, it seems unreal this year he won't be here to share this NYE. Although Lynn is right it does'nt really matter if its Christmas Day, his birthday or any other its still so difficult any day of the week.
By the way yes Kevin was a cheat and especially at cards but not as bad as Ian :-)
Kev we'll never stop loving or thinking of you pal 'ever'
Life is brief but Love is long
Miss you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Rhys was 40weeks old on tuesday and Kevin died 20 weeks ago yesterday :-( so Rhys has now been with us longer since Kev died :-( But both Jake and Rhys will feel like they knew Kevin Im sure as we will never ever stop talking about him and telling them about him.
Dr Nathan is a M*ther f*cker Kev you were right............
Love you and Miss you
Lynn xxx
Rhys was 40weeks old on tuesday (22ndJan) and Kevin died 20 weeks ago yesterday (23rdJan) :-( so Rhys has now been with us longer since Kev died :-( But both Jake and Rhys will feel like they knew Kevin Im sure as we will never ever stop talking about him and telling them about him.
Dr Nathan is a M*ther f*cker Kev you were right............
Love you and Miss you
Lynn xxx
20 weeks - It still feels like yesterday,It still feels so raw, everyday is still a struggle, I'm still waiting for him to come back from his run.I still expect too hear from him during the day and i still look for him when i'm out with a group of friends. Life around me goes on but mine feels like it has stopped.x
Well we got through Xmas, Kev's Birthday, New Year even January and its still no better! I suppose at the mo we are having a reality check. The down to earth time, yes this is real, try to pick up the pieces & get on. Natalie has moved out of Kev's and now the House has to go on the market. The House that is sooo Kevin, the house that he was sooo proud of. It's such a sad time, to be sorting out his things, dealing with people, estate agents, solicitors, telling the story, again & again.
Even getting Lynn off the Large library fine,with my daughter moved and then my son died, we didn't even know that there were books outstanding... much. Kev's probably waiting with that bolt of lightening. Or when Lou was talking about sending his driving license back to Swansea, next thing she had a terrific pain in her back. Kev's driving License was very important to him .....
Even Natalie going home to Kev's the other Sunday night around eleven, to find a cat had got in the cat flap. It had never happened before.... Now its happened a few times.... (Kev in another guise?) Mind you he wasn't fond of Cats!!
So many things to deal with, things that a mother shouldn't have to deal with cos it's not how the order should be.
Now we've had reports from the two Doctors involved. One in my opinion covering his own back. So we've written a reply and it's now back in the Coroner's hands. Still waiting for a new inquest date... So many ripples, Kev.
We all go for our MRI scans on the 20th February. Mind you Kev had at least two MRI's and they still couldn't tell him what was wrong. Bit like Adam's car with his Engine Management Light keep coming on, the car's got to go back for the same problem for the sixth time, still it is only a car not a life!
Anyway enough of the moaning, just needed to put a few things down. Its just its so hard to deal with all these things and I've got help with it. Like Natalie I just want him to come home. Want to stop shaking myself, telling myself that this hasn't happened, how could it have happened to us...
Kev, still can't get the Editors off the Car CD yet, so many tracks so apt especially as Kev gave it to me the day he died!
Love & miss you Kev and you can come back to me in any guise you like.. xx
Your right Deb, Kevin didnt like cats but im sure with a little more persuation from myself that he would have backed down and allowed me to have one! I caught him talking to one out the window once when he was iron a shirt!!
I must admit - I was in tears reading my mums comments and then laughed so much at Nat's - I can imagine him doing that!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kevins story:
http://www.c-r-y.org.uk/smart_my_story.htm
xxx
CRY - Cardiac Risk in the Young
Kevins story:
http://www.c-r-y.org.uk/smart_my_story.htm
xxx
Kevin always used to take the mick on how badly I treated my cat Vince (he wasn’t a big fan!), as the cat was always at the front bedroom window looking out when Kevin used to drive past on his way to and from work. Every night when Ian and I get home Vince is at the window and I always think or say ' Oh I hope Kev didn’t see him and I wonder what Kev is going to say next time we see him and if there will be another joke about it!'. We keep thinking Kev is going to turn up, like he has gone travelling again and as time goes on the more we miss him on the nights in the pub and days out. As you can see from the photos, Ian definitely enjoyed and drink or two (3,4,5,6 etc) with Kev and the boys and it seems odd that we wont be all together for another concert, card session (always checking to see if Ian was cheating- yes he even cheats against his wife and best friends) or a Sunday lunch. I have such fond memories of the time I knew Kev and they will always be with me.
Maybe its Vince the cat that keeps trying to get through Kev's cat flap! Maybe Andrea you should tell Vince Kev's no longer looking out for him-still maybe Vince knows better!
Kev always loved animals especially Dogs- of which we had a few over the years. However when Kev was about eleven Steve used to make him take our Dog, Saad (German Shepherd)out for a walk every morning before School- this didn't go down too well with Kev, (as you can imagine) however as always Steve's orders had to be obeyed. So Kev reluctently took the dog out each morning as told. One morning Kev got the hump with the dog over something (or maybe nothing) and kicked her. Well Saad was not a Dog to be messed with and wasn't going to put up with that so she bit him
on the thigh, ( which was quite nasty) He came hopping up the stairs weeping & wailing, swearing about the Dog. However it soon came out that she was justified in getting him back. they soon became friends again but Kev never took his bad mood out on the Dog again and he had the scar on his leg until the day he died.xxx
But the funniest thing was Kev conveying this story of the dog biting him to his mates - He always said how he calming walked up the stairs and calmly told my mum and dad that the dog bit him but if you'd have heard him you'd have thought the dog had biten his leg clean off he made such a fuss - but thats why we called him Laurence olivier as a child ;-)
I absolutely love the name Vince for a cat - fantastic :-)
I was very very sad reading the article on C.R.Y (very well wrote Lynn) it just brought that night back again so vividly a night none of us will forget especially those who were there. I'll never forget the call from Debbie and the drive over to Ricky fearing (and subconsciously) knowing the worst. Still not a day/hour goes by I don't think of Kev and like Andrea said I still think he'll pop up after just being away for a bit. Kev had everything to live for and its really hitting home now that he is gone forever its hits you from the pit of your stomach. I was out on a work doo today in Central London and afterwards everyone was drinking and having fun and joking and I felt like I was the odd one. It was as if I was in a bubble amongst the crowd. I left early to everyone's surprise and did'nt feel like getting the tube so I just walked for a while through the London's city lights just gathering my thoughts and reflecting on life. Next thing I knew I was walking past The Big Chill Bar at Kings X where I'd been with Kev and the lads a year or so before (not a night to remember btw) and just reminisced about what had happened since. Its all fucked up thats all I can say really. Lynn, Debbie, Louise, Adam, Steve + Nat whatever I or any of Kevs close friends feel it probably does'nt come close to what you go through but we'll never ever forget Kev he was a legend and we loved him like a brother. I can't fathom the words on how much I miss his friendship and company and he would have loved the fact I'm getting married he would be made up for me.
On the cat subject Kev did hate cats (with a passion) and Nat I think you had no chance there it did make me laugh reading the cat storys I think if Kev could come back in any shape or form it would'nt be a moggy, he'd probably come back as himself knowing him. I never knew about the dog bite either it shows there's always new stuff to learn about his life.
Lets keep writing folks and sharing our stories and thoughts Kev's memory will live forever in our hearts and minds until we all meet again. Keep sending me the photos too.
HAPPY VALENTINES BABE - MISSING YOU EACH AND EVERYDAY BUT ESPECIALLY TODAY XXX
I remember taking the mickey out of both Nat and Kev for their "car accidents" and being so smug as I had never had one. Well - I had a car accident last Monday night. It was a company car and so not quite so bad but I was still devastated. Then Bodie (one of my siberian husky's) was run over on the Tuesday and has spent a week in a Cambridge Veterinary Hospital having his hip repaired. By Wednesday, I discovered that the insurance was going to cover a very minor amount of the £4000 costs (and now rising). He then came out this Tuesday and is now back in as there are possible complications. One of the days , I found myself thinking about ringin Kev but then I remember with a harsh thump that I couldnt.
When Chris and I first got Bud and Bodie, Kev and I took them for a walk through Ricky high street and Kev was seriously thinking about stealing them as he had so much female attention because of the cute puppies, he was gauranteed to pull (Nat - he was single at the time). Now I hope he is looking after Bodie to make sure he comes home soon x
Who is Akinoshakar??? - the link takes you to some long pharmacy blog - please dont anyone click on the link til there's some explanation to what this is about....
It's our screening MRI scans on wednesday...just another hurdle to get over... If only Kev was still here for the results :-( stupid really as the M*ther F*cker doctors never spotted anything to say it could be genetic until it was too late so we will never have to opportunity to discuss it with Kev ever again :-(
Although Im talking about consultants Kev used to say about GP's: 'Jack of all trades. Master of none'... so true...
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Life is ever evolving, just when we think we're standing still we're not, even though you think you're in a bubble because of whats happened you're still moving forward doing things that you don't want to but have to! At the moment we are deciding on headstones, very difficult, know what I want, very cool,very contempory, very Kevin. Nothing cheap. Remember buy cheap, buy twice!( as he often said)
Probably that was the beginning of the end, (in my opinion) I suppose we think of private health care as the best- wrong. Sure its ok for an ingrown toe-nail or something that can be dealt with equally quickly but not something thats going to be fundamental to your life. ie your heart. Think if he'd have gone to the NHS, things would have happened at a slower pace, not so many corners to get pushed into. More time for decisions, more support. With private its in & out, you're ok, oh you want support or counselling oh well that will cost too. Mind you we're NHS, going for our scans. According to chapter eight of the National service framework, we as a family should have been given support from professionals as losing a family member is deeply traumatic. (Well I'd never have guessed) well good old Dr Bennett has so supported us. one phone call after Kev died, offer of counselling, then a phone call to say he was sending us to Harefield on the recommendations of the Coroner,( which I'd already phoned him about) nothing further, really we could all be going quietly mad in the corner for all he knew or cared.
Apparantly 8 young people die every week of sudden cardiac death,so Kev was just another statistic. But no Kevin could never be just that, because he was vital & alive and had so much to live for. I do agree with Colin that Kev would come back as his self and would we want it any other way?xx
Life is ever evolving, just when we think we're standing still we're not, even though you think you're in a bubble because of whats happened you're still moving forward doing things that you don't want to but have to! At the moment we are deciding on headstones, very difficult, know what I want, very cool,very contempory, very Kevin. Nothing cheap. Remember buy cheap, buy twice!( as he often said)
Probably that was the beginning of the end, (in my opinion) I suppose we think of private health care as the best- wrong. Sure its ok for an ingrown toe-nail or something that can be dealt with equally quickly but not something thats going to be fundamental to your life. ie your heart. Think if he'd have gone to the NHS, things would have happened at a slower pace, not so many corners to get pushed into. More time for decisions, more support. With private its in & out, you're ok, oh you want support or counselling oh well that will cost too. Mind you we're NHS, going for our scans. According to chapter eight of the National service framework, we as a family should have been given support from professionals as losing a family member is deeply traumatic. (Well I'd never have guessed) well good old Dr Bennett has so supported us. one phone call after Kev died, offer of counselling, then a phone call to say he was sending us to Harefield on the recommendations of the Coroner,( which I'd already phoned him about) nothing further, really we could all be going quietly mad in the corner for all he knew or cared.
Apparantly 8 young people die every week of sudden cardiac death,so Kev was just another statistic. But no Kevin could never be just that, because he was vital & alive and had so much to live for. I do agree with Colin that Kev would come back as his self and would we want it any other way?xx
Its me again I'm afraid just had to mark the fact that it's Mothers Day tomorrow- the first without Kev, a first among lots of firsts without Kevin. The first time for 34 years that I won't be getting a card from Him, well I didn't actually get Mothers Day cards before Kev..
He actually wasn't great at getting cards to you on time, always got a card but it might have been a day late. Usually Mothers day was OK, especially the last few years when we usually have all the family over. Kev was always good on pressies not so hot on cards. Still better late then never!
The whole family usually turn up at about 2.15- 2.30 kev was usually one of the last. We had dinner, which when there are so many can be a bit of a scrum. Dinner out of the way, maybe take some time out for the Man u game and a bit of banter between the lads about the game. Then the serious business of desserts. Kev always seemed to be where the puds were baing put out on the table and if you didn't watch him his spoon would be in the trifle tasting it or nicking someones pudding when they weren't look, always one for a prank. In fact on august bank holiday monday last year couple of weeks before he died we were at Lynn's having lunch .Steve had a coke turned round to talk to someone and Kev drunk the whole lot without him knowing. Then said Steve must have drunk it! The table is not so lively without you Kev, miss you so much. Can't believe its six months without you Wednesday.Will miss you tomorrow, don't even know if Man u are on the box. Life is very hard without you here and some days are worse then others. Tomorrow will be one of them.xx
6 months today that Kev passed away, i cant believe its been that long, - half a year of getting up and continuing with life knowing the biggest part of my life has gone. I don't want it to be 6 months, i still want it to be 6 days or 6 weeks as thats still how it feels. I still love Kevin like he is still here and i still want to be in my kevin bubble but slowly slowly i can feel it fading away as every day life continues and people aren't so sympathetic to my loss. I've heard all the comments, "Your'll meet someone else" Do you STILL feel shit", " things happen for a reason" and the classic " How are you?" I've now learnt to either agree or say i'm fine as i cant bare to be spoken at rather that listened too. But what i really want to do is tell them how it really is. How i get up every morning, now in a house that is not mine and Kevins home after having a broken nights sleep as i'm either laying awake thinking of him or dreaming of the dreaded night it all happened. i then get in the shower and cant bare to look at myself in the mirror as what is staring back at me is something i don't recognise. Where has my sparkle gone? The drive to work is the only time when i let it all out, listening to the Editors a significant album, tears streaming that by the time i get to work my makeup is half way down my face that i get the first comment of the day, " what's wrong with you?" I then manage to step out of my myself at work and put on my teacher head all the while listening to the most trivial things and things that don't matter in my world anymore. Then back to the car for the editors and the drive home and so it continues day after day.
So now i find myself belonging to this club that only people who have lost their sibblings, child or partner know about. How once you join you are a life member but what you may not realise is that even though you are in the club with the other family members you find yourself feeling very much alone.
We are off to see the Editors tonight, i'm sure it will be an emotional evening for us all and i'm sure we will each have our own memories. Im hoping mine wont be the look on his face when i told him i crashed his car!!! ;-)
Thinking of you kev and still loving you like you are here.
Just wanted to say I agree with Nat about being all together but we still grieve alone, its avery solitary thing, although you know we are all in this together and we talk about how we feel (Well the majority of us are women!)most of the time we deal with our feelings alone. You can't explain how you feel its too deep, most of the time you have to raise yourself up to be able to cope with the every day- the normalities of life, washing, cooking, cleaning,working, looking after the children etc etc. When it first happened I would be in Tesco and I wanted to shout out what had happened(didn't of course) everything was so normal outside but my world had gone wrong why didn't everybody know it! Grief doesn't have a time limit I think personally its something I'll live with forever obviusly it will hopefully become less intensive but the sadness part will always be there. The Editors were very good, think we all enjoyed it, the beer flowed freely, (of course I was the driver, Steve always says drinks wasted on me!)It was a very sad evening for all of us tho, as it was exactly 6 months, a Wednesday evening,same as the night Kev died, how I've lived that night over & over. Dreamt about him loads last night, first time for a long time, very upsetting when I awoke to find it was only a dream. We all agreed that it didn't seem like 6 months, can't believe we've all lived without him for that long, I don't want to go away from this time as its further away from the nearness of Kev, remembering him exactly as he was that last day. Cheerful, busy and cheeky as usual! Love you alway Kev.xx
My Brother
It’s So Hard To Believe That You’re Really Gone
And To Know That We Will No Longer
See Your Smiling Face,
Or Hear The Sound Of You’re Laughter
You Left So Many Memories, Which Will Never Part
You Will Always Live Deep Inside Our Hearts
We Are Thankful That we were Graced
With Someone As Special As You
It’s Just Hard To Believe
Your Life Is Really Through
:-(
Kevin, My Fantastic brother
Kevin, you really were a thousand great things,
From a great bloke
to a now distant wind
I cant believe this is forever,
Why cant this be never..
Why did you have to go
You still had so much love to show
You still had so much to do
Although you lived life, so true,
You are in a million memories
That cant be taken away
Although id replace my memories
for you to stay
To be that cool uncle
Kevin, you’re the best
To have had kids of your own
You really would have shown
how much a good dad
you could have grown.
I cant quite believe this is forever
How can we all go on now.. never..
On that terrible September night
Part of us all died with you alright
We all grieve alone,
But we all feel the same
We all have the same huge loss
Its just at different times
Different memories, different loneliness’
Why did you have to go
And leave us… alone..
Although this is so madly sad
And this poem is so very bad
You really were the very very best
big brother a sister could have had
Kevin, you were a thousand great things,
From a great bloke
to a now distant wind
I cant believe this is forever,
Why cant this be never…..
Kevin Smart 28/12/73 to 05/09/07
I knew Kevin from work at Camelot too and was shocked to hear of his passing. He was a lovely man and I have just read the whole In memory of Pods page. Though I didn't know him that well, he was always smart, consciencous and a true gentleman and you could always tell he liked a good laugh. It is good to know he packed so much in to his life, it is a true tragedy.
In April 2007 my husband also suffered out of hospital cardiac arrest, he was revived, but with significant lack of oxygen brain damage. He was in hospital for several months in London and then Neuro Rehab and is making good recovery in the circumstances having to re-learn life from scratch.
I don't want to sound interfering but I believe you can ask to be referred to the London Heart Hospital where they have the best experts in the country and possibly in the world for your family health investigations. Our children are undergoing these at the moment. We have also become members of the CMA (Cardiomyopathy Association) which has been helpful.
It was lovely to see all the pics and read the stories.
I knew Kevin from work at Camelot too and was shocked to hear of his passing. He was a lovely man and I have just read the whole In memory of Pods page. Though I didn't know him that well, he was always smart, consciencous and a true gentleman and you could always tell he liked a good laugh. It is good to know he packed so much in to his life, it is a true tragedy.
In April 2007 my husband also suffered out of hospital cardiac arrest, he was revived, but with significant lack of oxygen brain damage. He was in hospital for several months in London and then Neuro Rehab and is making good recovery in the circumstances having to re-learn life from scratch.
I don't want to sound interfering but I believe you can ask to be referred to the London Heart Hospital where they have the best experts in the country and possibly in the world for your family health investigations. Our children are undergoing these at the moment. We have also become members of the CMA (Cardiomyopathy Association) which has been helpful.
It was lovely to see all the pics and read the stories.
Hi Eileen
Thanks for the info i will look into that the London hospital and the CMA.
Im so sorry to hear of your difficult situation and am glad to hear your husband is on the way to recovery - all be it a long one :-( May i ask if you've had any results back with regard to your children's screening??
Its nice to hear from people who knew Kevin so thank you for adding to this blog :-) and i wish you and your family all the best xxx
Hi Lynn
First, Kevin was such a nice guy, I was speaking to a couple of people who worked with him for years and they thought the world of him and everyone was just shocked and sad, they are passing word to others. It is strange, because when I was telling friends about my husband surviving cardiac arrest, a couple of them said their sons lost a friend to the same, putting two and two together it was Kevin, even my son knew someone who knew Kevin and so it is a small world.
My daughter got her results today. The Heart Hospital and UCLH had done a stress test-not always done-a heart MRI, ECG and a haltar monitor test. Her GP did not forward results of the monitor test to the HH. She has an ectopic heart beat which means too many beats and possible scarring on her heart and has been given beta blockers and is going back in a month so all the tests including a haltar monitor test can be redone with her on beta blockers. She gets pulpitations every day and hopefully they will sort this out as she has 4 little ones to care for. I would feel happy if they gave her an ICD like her dad, but we have to wait and see. The cost of an ICD and the operation is something like 46,000 pounds and they obviously want a good reason to give her the same. My son is a little slow off the mark and probably doesnt want to know, wants to enjoy life etc. and is still waiting for an appointment for his tests. He is ringing the hospital in a couple of days to chase as his doctor may not have said urgent, but these things are urgent to us. I will let you know how they get on.
It would be great to hear some more stories from everyone - funny, sad, naughty - anything about Kev. Or just some updates about how everyone is and what you're doing.
I miss him everyday and enjoy reading this blog.
Lou xxxxx
There's an advert on the TV by Ronseal or someone that show how easy it is to use their fence spray system... well this ad always reminds me of Kev as he used it last yr on his new fence and it certainly wasnt as easy as the advert shows - he was covered in it.. Kev's painting clothes were always designer labels too ;o)
Eileen - i hope that they give your daughter an ICD - it's piece of mind for her.. Just dont let Dr Nathan fit it.. long story but i dont have faith in his ability...
The hospital has said that our MRIs did not show signs suggestive of ARVC but we've all still got to have a 24hr heart holster recording to check for irregular heartbeats.. so we'll see what they bring..
Always miss u Kev - more than words can describe :-(
just a quick note to lynn and louise i hope you had as bigger hangover as i did after we bumped into each other in ricky it's good to know you two are keeping up the smart name when it comes to drinking it was great to see you we must do it again soon
Having got in at 2.30am and slept on a blow up bed to be woken by Lynn's kids at 6.30am - it was a very unpleasant hangover and I had to drive to Suffolk that day - but well worth it. To think, Jodie, Lynn and I were meant to go for a curry and be home by midnight! Definitely have to all meet up soon. As you can imagine- our mum is ever so proud having raised three very big drinkers (Adam is the only "designated driver" amongst us).
I do remember the Christmas that Kev went to the Artichoke with Col (Lynns partner) and they spent all afternoon and evening trying not to be the first one to fall asleep and if they happened to blink for too long - they accused each other of having power naps and therefore losing. Hehe - funny day
xxx
Like Lynn (without speaking about it) when the ronseal advert came on it immediately reminded me of Kev, as this time last year he was replacing his fence and on the strength of that advert he brought the stuff and always said how crap it was, eventually resorting to the good old fashoined brush method, I must say the fence looked really good. Obviously it wasn't the cheap stuff!(fence that is) you know buy cheap buy twice. Unfortunately someone else will benefit from Kevs theory this time. Still have trouble getting my head round it. Hard to believe he's not here on this bright spring day, how unfair life is. Sometimes going into that deep dark place that they call grief is awful and it graps you when you least want it to. Like the other day on the way to toddlers, I can now listen to Snow Patrol but that to reminds me of Kev , just a time thing I think. However theres a song (don't ask me what its called) however it goes " and for a tinyiest moment its all not true" how good would that be if it were all a bad dream- I do know its not! Anyway the tears come but as we're on the way to toddlers they have to be shelfed and returned to that deep dark place for another time. Such is life and we must continue it however sad.I've had an idea which I haven't run by anybody yet but think it would be great if we could all get together for the weekend of the 5th September to celebrate Kev's life and to raise a few glasses maybe rent a big house for weekend- let me knbow if you fancy it. Miss you Kev. Love to all.xx
Funny you should say that Debbie I was just thinking that today we should definately mark that day in a special way I think whatever we do we should all get together get pissed and reminisce about the good times (times were always good around kev) the fence story made me laugh he was proud of that fence I could'nt believe how much it cost 'I don't buy fuckin cheap mate' I can still hear him saying it. I think about Kev every single day and although it makes me sad I often end with a smile/smirk as I can only remember good times and how he made us all laugh. I often find myself saying something that he would say in situations (I guess I'm now seeing clearly what an influence he was on me) I'm only realising it now.
Love ya kev always thinking of you, I know your with us in spirit everyday (I bet you laughed when we beat the gooners the other night) even though I know you hate the scousers i know how you hated Arsenal even more
Yes i agree we must do something on the 5th so we can all be together and remember kev. Being at home all day at the moment really plays games with my mind and i'm constantly still wishing that this all a bad dream. Like everyone i really really miss him and i feel so sad that we wont have our future that we had planned. I don't care what anyone says, Kevin will always be my one and i dont think i'll ever meet another man that i feel the same way about.
I've just had my old lady bunion done so Kev would be proud that i eventually got it done and also probably laughing at me trying to hobble around on crutches!! I always use to say that when i had my new foot he wouldn't be able to draw a cruel picture of it on the fridge that he use to do to wind me up!
This time last year we had just got back from new york where we had the most amazing time, New york will always be a special place for me, even though i have never seen a grown man get in such a strop because of the rain!,i think Kev was bothered about getting his hair wet.
We are doing a sponsored walk in a couple of months to raise money for CRY so when the sponsor forms arrive i will let you all know. Better go now as i could write and talk about kev all day. I expect those that dont know him like we all did get fed up with me always going on about him so its nice to come on the blog and say how you feel.
Love you lots kev, thanks for the happy Birthday ( he knows what i mean)
Nxxxxxx
just finished watching man u v arsenal would have been round kev's if he was still here the only thing i won't miss is that smug look he would have given me as the final whistle went still rather them win than chelsea
miss you loads mate
Oh how proud our parents are that we are such big boozers (hehe!!) well, my dad's actually just in awe fo us (hehe!!)
Im just too used to the hangovers with kids waking you at the crack of dawn....
Col (my col) and I went to kevs on saturday morning to mow the lawn (please bear in mind that i work for Bosch Lawn&garden powertools) so watching col wiv a flymo would have been upsetting anyway but it was a killer just purely coz i bet Kev didnt get many opportunities to mow his lawn (all be it with a flymo...)
Of course we'll be up for something on the anniversary - we'll just have to all agree whether it's away in a huge house for a weekend (therefore easier with kids ;-)) or just on the day..
Its an increasingly sad time as it's Rhys' 1st bday on thursday 17th and even looking at bday cards with my mum yesterday - a great bob the builder card shouts out at you 'happy 1st birthday nephew' :-( although Kev wasnt the kids only uncle obviously, i know that he would have brought the best pressie and card - Jake got a pair of converse boots for his 1st bday.. whose going to buy them gifts like that now :-( Ad - the pressure's on ;-)
Its also just very very sad that Rhys has been here with us longer since Kev died than before :-(
Miss you Kev even though you brought Flymo ;o)xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Just thought id let you know more about the sponsored walk lynn, lou, deb, sam and i are doing on the 20th July. ( god help me im not an exercise person!)
We will be be walking across 8 bridges in London, each bridge representing one of the 8 fit and healthy young people (aged 35 and under) who die suddenly each week in the UK from undiagnosed heart conditions.
The walk will start at Victoria Embankment Gardens and finish at Hays Galleria by London Bridge. The route will take walkers across Golden Jubilee Bridges 1 and 2, Westminster Bridge, and all bridges up to and including London Bridge - 8 bridges in total.
I am trying to get our sponsor forms on line with a site called 'just giving' so i will keep you all posted.
Nxx
But how far is it ;o) everywhere I've looked seems to avoid the distance bit of it - i bet thats so it doesnt put the unfit of us off doing it.. no names mentioned girlies ;o) hehe
Well another week got through. The Girls (Lynn & Lou) Had their monitors last week, Steve Adam & I had ours Monday to Tues, Ok but a bit of a pain. Steve managed to break his after 21 hours (well he is a builder & they do tell you to carry on as normal) anyway he caught the wire & it snapped so we'll probably get a bill from Harefield!Adam just moaned about how uncomfortable it was but heho we got through it. Wednesday was the inquest, when we managed to make Dr Natan sworm very nicely! Still if it makes him deal with people differently then we have achieved something hopefully. Actually he did come to speak to Steve & I after and actually dropped the God act so we do think he may be human after all. Kevin died of a very rare Heart condition, arrhythmogenic ventricular cardiomyopathy of the left ventricle. (ARVC of the left ventricle)It rare in the right ventricle but very rare in the Left, so typical Kev he even died with a designer label. Unfortunately nobody emphasised the severity of it so because he didn't feel particulary unwell we all carried believing that everything would be OK. Unfortunately our luck ran out. So we exist as ' the ripples'. Love you Kev. Love to all.xx
Hi All
Ive finally set up a web link for anyone who wishes to sponsor us on the CRY Heart of London Bridge Walk on 20th July:
http://www.justgiving.com/kevinsmart
Please give generously ;o)
We're in the process of sorting through Kevins house and found some good piccies last night so expect to see more piccies soon.
This may sound strange to some but i actually had a hug from Kevin the other day - i was in a semi conscious dream but it felt soo real.. if only it couldve been :-(
Miss you more each day and wherever you are i hope you can watch the footie ;o) xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx
Just thought id leave a new comment - its v nearly 9 months now (thurs) nothing changes - time just gets further away :-( life moves on around you and yet you really just wanna stay in the same time.. people not really close to you forget and so.. is that it now.. you're expected to move on.. i know there's lots of people that would agree with me that we want to stay where we were - but - time moves on with or without you......
:-(
I want to say a massive thank you, so far, to those that have sponsored us for the Heart of London Bridges walk - it really does mean sooo much to us all
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As Always Love you Kev - my big bruv
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I love this blog and regularly read and enjoy the messages posted from you all about Kevin. It keeps me going and the pictures make me smile! I have to say with deep regret, that it has taken me along time to post a message about Kevin. In many ways for me, adding a message has made Kevin’s passing so final,(one of many reason’s to put it off!) but I now realize after countless attempts, that no matter what I write… the truth is ... it won’t ever bring him back! It is about time I contributed rather than selfishly agreeing with all that is written and not giving anything back! Silently grieving is not healthy at all! The other thing I have realized is that speaking about him more and more keeps his memory alive & slightly dulls the pain!
I was lucky enough to spend my teenage & early twenties growing up with Kevin. When I first met him at the ‘Gate pub’ in 1991, I thought he was funny! He made me laugh out loud and was also relaxed enough to laugh with me. With his fast car, loud tunes and his large posse of friends, fondly known as ‘the lads’, there was no way I could resist the offer of a bottle of Budweiser and a challenge of sonic the hedgehog on the Sega Mega drive, on our first date! We dated for six years. Life was great back then, no worries or real commitments, nights were spent clubbing or pubbing and generally having fun! Back in the day’s when Kevin worked for Blazer and modeled the year’s collection of shirts in his own free time. Weekends and especially Sunday’s were spent with his family, painting the interior of the ‘Big House’ in Chorleywood and enjoying an episode of the Simpson’s and a Sunday roast/pasta for the token veggie, made by Deb!
Kevin made me feel special, even when we were apart and our lives had moved on. He had this ability to communicate and make you feel like no time had passed at all and all was the same as it was the last time you spoke or met. At the end of a long chat he would always, without fail send a follow up text, expressing his real thoughts and his best wishes for new situations that arose! He never failed to end things positively and always wanted the best for me! He was a true & rare friend!
My biggest regret is not meeting up with Kevin sooner as last summer came to a close. We delayed our annual catch up as I had an extended break due to maternity leave. We would always meet up at Christmas and summer when I had returned from Dubai. We planned to meet after his long weekend away with Natalie and his family. Sadly, our date was arranged 5 days too late!
Unfortunately, it is just something I will have to live with and regret for the rest of my life! Along with the rest of you who are still suffering with the ‘what ifs & if only?’…
Death is no longer a concern for me. I am afraid of the inevitable but am more understanding of it?, purely and simply because I know that Kevin will welcome me with open arms, a cheeky smile & his big bad dance moves. Just the way he did whenever I met up with him in this lifetime. Kevin was a great friend and life is empty at times without him!
As you have all expressed,grieving is lonely and not everyone understands. The tears just roll out uncontrollably and you have to make excuses as people get concerned! But now I have resorted to having a ‘Kevin Day’ and you know what… friends fully comprehend! The loneliness is there, but people understand more and less questions are asked!
I have the feeling that Kevin Day’s will be everyday forever…you just can’t get him out of your head! Kev was passionate about his family, especially his Mum, “My Old Dear’s alright! But you know what? even though I heard that line many times, I know that everyone in Kevin’s life was special to him and that is why we all loved him so much!
The right thing to say is R.I.P, but I personally hope that the music is loud and the dance floor is big enough for you Kev! …wherever you are now!
Thinking of you always and missing you badly! xxx
I last saw Kevin one year ago today so Ive had a very sad day ;o(
It was Fathers Day and my Mum and Dad were having a BBQ. I remember Kevin was cooking the food and had brought with him some little water guns for Jake (supposedly for Jake anyway). As he was cooking, he got caught out a few times by someone trying to convince him it was raining but really it was someone squirting the gun up in the air from behind a bush - he fell for it....twice at least!!
As most will know, Kevin had his "festival coats" which to me are very expensive rain macs. Anyway - he had two which my boyfriend Chris inherited. I borrowed one the other day as it rains lots in Suffolk and I felt something in the pocket. I did hope for a second that Kev may have left me some money - £20-£50 pounds would have been great Kev but it was his ticket from the Wireless festival which he went to the day before I last saw him at the BBQ. I remember him whistling a Klaxons tune in his unique style of whistle.
I remember it all like it was yesterday and I really wish that it was.
Love and Miss you Kev xxxxxx
Well we've just a family trip away to Cornwall and Kevin was so sadly missed.
We had a mixed bag of weather but I just know that Kev would've got sunburnt whilst riding on the camal trail and wouldve been one of the first wanting to set the baddie set up in the garden....
And there was still so many bottles of beer left that wouldve had his name on :-(
Ive just been looking on facebook under the group Rickmansworth School and came across a picture of Kevin in the early days of ricky in a form photo - ooooo the flick he had - dude-ish as ever ;o) there wasnt many peoples comments on it but i was quite sad to read that some people didnt know until someone had mentioned it on there :-(
Abs Im totally with you on the 'hope the music is loud and the dancefloor is big enough' ;o)
The nearer it gets to the anniversary the sicker and sadder we all feel :-(
Miss you Kev and love you forever (even if you did have a flick ;o)) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm moving back to my flat in Bushey at the weekend, its going to very strange going back to the flat where i lived before i met Kevin and also where we spent time in the early days of our relationship.
I remember our first date, Kevin picked me up from the flat and we went out for a drink it was a sunday and we were both hung over. I had the best night, kevin made me laugh so much and i remember thinking to my self 'i hope he calls me after tonight'- he did, and not only did he call he text me all throughout the night after we got home. I cant thank hannah enough for setting me up with such a fantastic person. Too think i wasnt even going to go on the date.
Kevin took me to St James on our second date, this is where i saw his cheeky side, he drove to my house and i remember thinking hows he going to get home? Well, after supplying me with glass after glass of wine he finally revealed that he had an over night bag in his car that he was waiting to get out! Typical cheeky kevin! Ever since that night we were inseparable.He gave me a key to his house on our third date. I miss him terrible, he is still the person i think about first thing in the morning when i wake up. Miss you Kevin ( how many Collin Fry shows to i have to go to for you to come through and say hello!;-) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
How ever much it makes me cry - through happy memories and sadness - when reading this blog - I still love to see new comments.
I check it every day cos I think about him every day.
Cornwall was good but Chris should have had some competition for the yellow jersey on the camel trail (poor Col had little Jake on the back and so had an excuse!)
Nat - your comment made me chuckle about him being such a "slut" hehe.
Please remember to keep sharing your memories everyone.
Love to all, especially my big bro Kev who I miss everyday
Lou xxxxx
I met Kevin in September 1994, when we both started working at Camelot, for the launch of the National Lottery at Rickmansworth, what a different time it was then!!!!
It was great fun, everyone was new, so it felt really exciting, there was great team spirit, which Kevin was such a big part of.
Like everyone who knew Kevin, I was so shocked and very saddened to learn of his sudden and tragic death. There are so many people you meet in life, but not many that touch your heart, but Kevin was one of those. I have never met anyone who has ever had a bad word to say about him.
One of the "good guys" as they say.
One of my fondest memories of Kevin, and one which I will always cherish, which seems so ironic now when I read of the sad cause of this death, is when I fainted at Camelot (very embarrassing!!)
Kevin was so kind to me and helped me down the stairs and made sure I was alright. I was so very ill at the time without even realizing it. When I continued to faint several times after that, it was discovered that I had been born with an undected heart problem (irregular heart beat). I had to have a pace maker fitted at the age of 27. That was ten years ago now. Thankfully, this has allowed me to lead a normal life ever since and I have gone on to have two wonderful children. I will never forget Kevin's kindness to me that day.
Dear Kevin
I am delighted to have known you, and will never forget you. Looking at these photo's you have a wonderful family and friends who love you and are so very proud of you. We will meet again one day and have a good old laugh about our times at Camelot.
Sue x
Bishop (formally Gambrill)
First time I've checked the blog in a little while and its very nice to read some new entries from people. Abbie I know it was difficult for you to leave something that you felt would summarise your time with Kevin it was an amazing tribute and made me cry and laugh at the same time. I now have this image of smarty rippin up the dancefloor up there shouting 'turn it up' (the image makes me smile everytime :-)
Thanks to Sue B for her lovely story. It would be nice to hear from others at Camelot especially those he knew well from the early days, I know Camelot was a big part of his life and not just career.
Hope to see some of you at the walk sunday, what time does it start? and where from? Good Luck guys xox
First time I've checked the blog in a little while and its very nice to read some new entries from people. Abbie I know it was difficult for you to leave something that you felt would summarise your time with Kevin it was an amazing tribute and made me cry and laugh at the same time. I now have this image of smarty rippin up the dancefloor up there shouting 'turn it up' (the image makes me smile everytime :-)
Thanks to Sue B for her lovely story. It would be nice to hear from others at Camelot especially those he knew well from the early days, I know Camelot was a big part of his life and not just career.
Hope to see some of you at the walk sunday, what time does it start? and where from? Good Luck guys xox
Sunday 20th July Walk details:
The walk starts from Victoria Embankment Gardens and officially starts at 10.30am (altho a warmup etc and stint from Opera soprano Kathryn Harries(!"£$%£^) is planned before hand!!)
Section 1: Embankment to Waterloo Bridge via westminister
Section 2: Waterloo Bridge to Millenium Bridge
Section 3: Tate Modern to Hays Galleria
The walk ends at Hays Galleria (shopping/Bar/restaurant complex!)
this is obviously the simplistic version and doesnt make it sounds like there's 8 bridges but there is trust me ;o)
We're now at the 1.5K mark but would appreciate more so anyone whose not sponsored yet please do so - Its all for the CRY charity which predominently raises awareness of these unrecognised heart conditions..
Im sure Kev will be striding along with us (laughing at 'the ole dear' trying to keep up with the rest of us ;o)
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Hi Guys,
Haven't read the blog for a while so there were a few comments I hadn't read (Most of which made me cry)
I have found life has been extremely sad obviously since Kev went but especially the last few weeks since it has been the supposed Summer because it is now leading up to that fateful day one year ago. These next few weeks will be especially poignant. On Sunday it will be one year since Lynn moved into Chiltern Drive. All hands on deck to move and in Steve's case generally knock something down. Any way a couple of weeks after the inital knock down and re-plaster Kev got the job of painting the Lounge,(he was always a dab hand with the roller, came from many years of having to help Dad)Anyway Kev was always a willing
helper especially as he got older and wasn't being made to help! Anyway during the course of the move Kev helped to carry Lynn's clothes in, later he asked Natalie who label was Atmosphere. As we all know Kevin would never have darkened the Doors of Primark!
My last few memories are of the few weeks after Lynn moved, Kev & Nat popping round for a sarnie on Bank holiday monday (which was the last time Steve saw him) and Kev tricking Steve and then drinking his Coke when he wasn't looking! And I am so Thankful that I saw him on that fateful day although I did moan to Steve the night before that as Kev was at home that day it would be harder to clean his house. Steve said that was my proffessional head talking and not my mummy head. Now I am so thankful that I had those couple of hours with him, but as always you think to yourself if you'd have said to him come round to Lynn with you for Lunch would he have gone running later, something we can't change now and soo soo want to. In fact I would be willing to re-live the last thirty four and a half years if it means that I could make it different. You think in your life that some awful things happen to you but I'm telling you nothing is as bad as losing a child, especially one that you've managed somehow to bring up to be a great asset to life in general. Now I find I miss him so much. Miss him popping in, miss that whistle, miss him taking the piss, miss him in a thousand ways, even the paddies and yes there were a few of those!
I hope you are not resting in peace Kev, its not your style! I hope that where ever you're having a great time and if you want to pop back to say hello anytime I'm looking for you.
Love you and miss you soo much.
Mum (aka The ole dear)
PS I hated that.xx
FAME AT LAST!!!! Only joking!
We're in this weeks Watford Observer for taking part in the CRY London Bridges Walk.. The reporter came round last week after CRY's press office contacted them.. It begs the question whether he was actually listening to us as he put that '..we were getting ready for a family trip to Florida..' dont know how he got Florida from Cornwall!!
Anyway - reading it doesnt make it any easier but we wanted to create awareness about SADS and CRY.. hopefully it'll help someone..
cant believe we're nearly 11 months since Kev went :-( Dont know about anyone else but i dont want to get past that 12 months mark :-(
Miss you Kev always xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx
Yes eleven months on Tues, could still be eleven minutes cos the feeling that this can't be true doesn't really go away even after all this time! I was talking to my friend Val today whose daughter Cordeliah was murdered seventeen years ago also in September, she would have been 34 this coming Sept. we were both saying its as if you can relive it before that year that maybe you can change the out come unfortunately not the case but thats how it feels to me maybe if we remember all those last few weeks, few days we can change things. Its all that potential thats been lost, the what ifs and maybe, the loss of career, the loss of family.(Grandchildren) All that potential joy, all gone. (Yes I know there would also have been sad times) You can't be a parent and not have the good and the bad, only usually the bad is not usually this bad. Anyway I know the next few weeks will be especially bad, maybe when over the year marker things will start to feel easier but I don't think so. We would all like to go back to the life we had pre 5th Sept 2007!
Love you Kev and miss you soooo much.xxxxxxxxxx
As everyone knows - its now 11 whole months today since Kevin sadly passed away. Its still as sad as the day it happened and he is still on my mind as much as then but you have to get by and find the strength to carry on because it gets to a point where people stop accepting your sadness (as I think Nat pointed out earlier on in the blog)!
In one months time, we will all be away in Suffolk (sorry - location is down to me but Im sure it will be nice...honest!). It will be hard and Im sure there will be lots of sadness but I also think that we also need to remember the good times and think that the "year marker" wont change how we all feel about the situation and the sadness that is still very much present in everyday life - because although people say that time heals - it will never correct the injustice of Kevin's death and it will never bring him back and so everyone is allowed to remain sad because we all know that we carried on regardless of how hard it has been in this last year, and so thats what we will all continue to do - the sadness will always be retained but we may start to accept the injustice in time.
I know one thing tho - in one months time - we will all feel just as sad but I am sure that we will also celebrate such a wonderful human being and his life which was sadly cut so short
I know that everyone will be raising a glass or two to remember Kev - wherever we all are.
Miss you big bro xxx
August Bank holiday monday 07 was the last day i saw Kevin - in ways it feels so long ago and in other ways only yesterday :-( Kev and Nat popped round to see how we were getting along with the house, i darent tell him that the boy's and i had all had some sort of gastric flu coz the time they had similar before he'd caught it off them - so we didnt really divulge that to him and we all had some cold left over barbie food and thats when he nicked my dad's drink and chuckled continuously until he was finally caught.. We'd found a remote control car in our shed and needless to say this kept all the big boys amused for a while then Kev went home to bring back a massive bit of concrete they'd dug up weeks before whilst replacing his fencing - so one of the last sentences i said to him (out of my bedroom window) was 'Get off our land' as he cheekily dumped this huge lump og concrete in our skip with the help of col... Anyway - an average day but so cherished now :-(
One of the many things i miss about Kev was his fashion sense and love of it (he'd wear a potato sack if he'd seen it in Selfridges Im sure of it!) oh-how some of them made us giggle ;o) i espically loved the one of a jumper with holes for your thumbs in the sleeves - one of the only men i know who loved shopping and when he worked in Blaser we frequently referred to him as 'catalogue man'.. wherever you are now Kev i sure hope it's parking is cheaper than selfridges and that the shops are to your liking (no primario for you!!) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Love you forever - wish it was this time last year :-(
What about the sweatshirt that had holes and ladders in & bleaches splashes all over (Brought like that probably cost a fortune!) Steve still wears it for work! Probably think poor man can't he afford a new sweatshirt!. Kev had a flying jacket, black leather, which I loved and wore after he cast it off! Also he had a checked jacket when he was about 16 and after all the nights in the pub & the OMT it stunk and couldn't be washed so I was very glad when that was discarded. While Kev still lived at home I would religiously iron his shirts & put them in the wardrobe, he never wore a shirt without ironing it again the morning he put it on. What a mug I was, why didn't I just put them in the wardrobe unironed! Kev, don't regret one piece of ironing that I did for you, would iron every single piece again & some just to have you back.
Can't believe its a year next week, the shock of losing you is still so intense. All the more so after having to take Rhys with Lynn to the Harmoni out of hours Doctor which is in the Fracture clinic next to A & E, where we had to wait on that awful night, lets say we didn't hang around to ponder. Bank holiday monday last year was also the last time that Steve saw Kev, don't know if he remembers that it was but haven't reminded him. Its all so hard.
Love always Kev..xxxx
Where has this year gone? Most of it seems like a blur, like a dream except you never wake up. Sometimes it seems that im looking in on someone elses life,I guess still believing its not true and kevin has just gone on a long Holiday and he'll be back soon.But then the realisation that its my life creeps up on me when im not expecting it, it could be when im at the supermarket and i suddenly remember how i use to try and sneak chocolate and cakes into the trolley when we were shopping and he wasnt looking or it could just be when i simply want to tell him something but then remember that i cant.
As the dreaded 5th September is approaching i can remember all the things that me and kevin were doing like it were yesterday. This time last sunday i remember that Kevin was going to the pub to meet up with everybody as louise and dave were down. I didnt go as i wanted to go shopping and i remember his words as clear as anything, he said " Your the only girlfriend not going" Oh how i wish i had gone. Infact i wish i could have done so many more things that kevin had wanted me to do!
I still love kevin, will i ever love someone else like that - i doubt it! Missing you terrible babe
Nxx
As most of you know me and the lads are off to Ibiza tomorrow for my Stag weekend and although I know I'll have a good time it will be tinged with some sadness that our dear friend and 'top raver' Kevin will not be there to experience it with us ... he would have loved it and made it better than anyone else who is going. We are going for a nice meal on friday night to mark the occasion with a few sangrias no doubt and raise our glasses to a very very special friend who we all miss so so terribly. Kev we know you'll be with us in spirit (I'm sure of it) we love you mate and will never forget you and what you were about.
Well, we approach the 1st anniversary of that sad life changing day back on 5th Sept :-(
Kev worked from home that day due to train driver strikes - W*nkers (for some reason I like to blame them as things may have been different – although deep down I know it may have happened another time etc etc) !!
But its all so clear – like yesterday.. Driving around looking for someone still running at 9 at night – that’s hope for you!!! The call to A&E and trying to get to the right dept.. the waiting for a further call.. the drive to the hospital.. the waiting in the waiting area which seemed like a lifetime.. the hoping that you’re there for no reason at all!!!! The relatives room where we were taken.. the doctor, the A&E sister.. the police… the chapel.. the horrible sick feeling of truth and realisation when we had to walk into that room.. the signing of the forms to identify Kevin.. the sick, lost feelings outside the chapel… the drive back to Kevs… Seeing Lou and Chris and Adam.. the coke I went to get from the garage at midnight to go with the vodka in Kevs cup’d.. staring at the place where kev had been (16 West Way).. the looking at Kevs applemac still logged on (and not wanting to turn it off as it said ‘Log off Kevin Smart’ was all too symbolic ) and the poor hedgehog I ran over driving back into my driveway (im sure the vodka wasn’t to blame!!).. the talking to Col, the lying there, helpless staring at the ceiling, in the dark in disbelief.. the following days, weeks and now year!!!!!!!!!!!
Still all so clear the thoughts of how could Kevin be lying there when he was so full of life and enjoyed everything? So much potential still to fulfill – it’s all so unjust even a year on…
There are so many things that you shouldn’t have to do in this life, and many lucky people remain untouched by things.. unfair - perhaps, unjust-definately.. can we change any of this - No.. so very sadly no..
As Ive said before - we all go through the same things but at different times - for me i think of Kev so much of the time - a huge part of what made me who i am and what made up my family has gone and cant be replaced and im flushed with sadness every single day. This week ive got a constant choking feeling in my throat - i dont want to go past that year mark as then its further away since seeing Kev people in your normal day to day life dont remember and certainly dont allow for the sadness that now tinges life..
Im so proud to be Kevins sister and to have grown up with him and have so many memories (that im scared of forgetting) - we need to keep his memory alive as he certainly would’ve wanted to be the legend he was – we will all raise a drink (or 10) for Kevin over the next few days and be sure to cherish every bit of it and talk of him loads – he’d love that for sure
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With love forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well we've arrived at the dreaded day although its only a few minutes passed midnight. Having just read Lynn's comments and remembering totally how that awful, awful evening was and how intense and dreadful it all so still seems and how much more now we all miss Kevin, miss him being there and the huge void in our family that he has left. I know one of the first things I said when I saw him in that awful place was "you silly boy", I have said it many times since not that I believe him really to be silly but just maybe if he hadn't been so stubborn and maybe if the Doctors had know more the outcome may have been different, we unfortunately will never know. Over the past few days I've written this poem to Kev to tell him how life has been in the last year, (In my heart I'm sure he knows what happening) But this is to him from me.
ONE YEAR ON....
One year on, you are gone,
We're still here, you are not.
One year on....
We're a year older, you're still 33, yippee!,
One year on....
Its still hard to believe you're gone,
One year on....
The feeling of sadness stretches to infinity,
One year on....
Nat's got her mini,Colin's getting wed,
Grandad had his by-pass & both have got bad backs,
Dad has got a new truck & really is a chav,
But we all feel so sad,
One year on, now you are gone,
One year on....
Sam & Geoff are having another baby,
Hannah & Gary had an IVF girl,
Paul & carly had a second son & called him Finley Kevin,
You relly would have laughed.
One year on....
Lynn's gone back to work & taken on a new role,
Adam's still making music, but at least not on the dole.
Col's given up sunday football, taken his last goal,
One year on....
Rhys is walking, both Jake & Rhys are talking,
You would have loved to see.
One year on....
Bodie got run over & cost a fortune to get fixed,
Lou's got a company car now,a VW Golf estate,
What a grown up car you'd say,
She had to sell her Astra to pay the bill you see,
Chris is still in Beccles with Barry hanging on his tail.
One year on, can't believe you are gone,
One year on....
The tears still flow, the sadness that will never go,
One year on....
We walked the London Bridges & made about 3k,
Is that the purpose of life now?
One year on....
People have said how do you get up each morning & face another day,
What's the option, can you tell me pray?
One year on, now you are gone,
The sun still rises in the sky, we will still love you by & by,
Maybe should have nagged more, we will never know,
Still feel the dread of the terrible night you left.
One year on....
We still go on, nothing changes, but everything has,
One year on, now you are gone.
We're all closer together, but all so far apart,
One year on....
Abs has been over, written & emailed too,
Nan cries frequently& never will get over you.
Dad has started drinking again but that's hardly a surprise,
The pain of losing you, gets you in the eyes,
One year on...
It still seems like yesterday,
The grief of losing you will never go away,
One year on, now you are gone.
We rented out your house now cos there's a credit crunch,
We did try to sell it but buyers are a mean bunch,
The weather has been crap, the sun forgets to shine,
Is that because you're gone?
One year on....
I want to look for you and hope to find you here.
I want to shout & scream and wish it was all a bad dream,
It hasn't got any better, they told me that it would.
One year on....
I know you're gone, but don't want you to have gone,
One year on....
Because my son, we'll never stop loving you,
A lifetime ago, yesterday or...
One year on....
Love Mum.xx
05/09/08
It's been a while since I looked at this blog... I see there's quite a few more photos that have been added. Good to see those. I've been meaning to find out your address Debbie, and write. I've been through a few moments in my life which for one reason or another proved to me that there is something beyond what we know and do day to day. I don't think the people we care for are able to come out and say straight, "hey, things are ok". But there are plenty of other signs.
Small things and sometimes large, that make you think, make you stop and smile. When things go right, when a thought gives you strength. Grab onto these.
I won't go into details on the blog, but I am convinced life is so much more than what we experience day to day. I am sure Kevin would want everyone to be happy in their lives. And as hard as that can be, especially now, I don't think anyone really truly leaves, or is lost, or is truly really gone.
It must be incredibly hard. I'll be thinking of you all. Sometimes I wish I was closer. I'll be having a beer for Kevin. He'll be in our thoughts.
The family all went away this weekend and had a lovely time, remembering Kev and raising a glass - until the stresses of the whole year finally hit on Sunday. People got upset and angry with each other and the reason for that lies in the fact that noone can help each other with their sheer and utter grief! The pressure had to be released!!
We have to realise that it is the saddest thing that has ever happened that no-one will ever get over but hose that are left are all still living and need to be able to hang on to that life and each other - through the good and the very bad! As Barry said "Kevin would have wanted everyone to be happy in their lives".
We will never get over Kev's death and nor should we - but we should all cherish his life and celebrate it and love those that are left
I love you Kev and wish you were here for us all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Yes re the Sunday incidence it was all very trivial really something blown up over nothing. Sometimes we all need a good cry and can never find the right time. Well Sunday wasn't the right time but once they'd started they are very hard to stop. Sometimes we all say something that we don't mean or over react to a stupid remark. Yes I put my hands up to being at fault (not entirely tho) All I could think of afterwards was that Kev would have told us to " shut the F..k up" and how we all miss him there to look at things levelly and tell it like it is.
Yes Barrie I agree that I feel there is more to life than we know I have always thought that we are surrounded by spirits of loved ones gone. Although I feel this is the case it doesn't stop you from wanting the person thats gone. I don't think that I would feel like this over any other person that wasn't my child because this grief is losing apart of yourself which all of your children once were and unless it has happened to you as a mother I don't think you understand because I know before this happened with Kev I didn't really know how mothers who were left really felt, believe me I am not all woe is me because we have to carry on with everyday life but all I can say is life will never be the same again and if I live to be a hundred I will always have a sad place in my heart although I love all my other children and grandchildren with as much intensity as I loved Kev. If anyone needs my address for any reason its. April Cottage, Bridle Lane, Loudwater, Rickmansworth, Herts, WD3 4JG.
Thanks for all the comments and stories they either make me cry or smile and both emotions are good.
Never stop loving or missing you Kev.xxx
Really sorry Kev.
I put a tenner on those scouse robbers to win the league with a nine point head start over Man.U in the handicap list - come on you scouse bastards. Robbie keane is a exception becauce he will be forever LEEDS!!!
Still looking for those socks Kev!!!!!!!!
And thats another thing - just checked the lottery - when is that going to bloody happen .
I took the time to look at some of the pictures on the blog once again today - all of which I know so well and have seen so many times but so many of the childhood ones hold loads of memories that I wish I could live again - just for a moment at least! We all need to make the most of life - but thats easier said than done most of the time xxx
Love Lou xxxx
Miss you Kev xxxxxxxx
Just want to say to anyone who reads this blog to please carry on making comments, I suppose I need to know that Kev is still thought of often, I know we think of him as a family often. I never stop thinking of him, even if only in the back of my mind, first thought of the day, last thought at night. I know you're all busy and life goes on and we have to carry on but just to hear some new stories or things that have happened over the years would be good. For us this is now our lives and we have to keep Kev's memory alive otherwise he'll be forgotten as we all will be one day but he was to big a person to let go. We tell Jake & Rhys all about him and to them I'm sure they will always think that they knew him well, which they would have done had things been different.
I know now we are all into the second round of everything, second xmas, second round of family birthdays, anniversaries etc, how can that happen without Kev? I don't know but it will. As Abbie wrote to me at the first year without him, its not right that she's turned 33 without Kev coming up to 35. I always thought that too, I always thought oh Kev will be catching me up as we get older, when I'm 70 he'll be 53, but I feel cheated, he'll always be gloriously 33 while we will age & decay. But please if you still read this blog add a comment and let us know we're not alone with loving him & missing him.
Love you Kev.
Love to all.x
Just want to say to anyone who reads this blog to please carry on making comments, I suppose I need to know that Kev is still thought of often, I know we think of him as a family often. I never stop thinking of him, even if only in the back of my mind, first thought of the day, last thought at night. I know you're all busy and life goes on and we have to carry on but just to hear some new stories or things that have happened over the years would be good. For us this is now our lives and we have to keep Kev's memory alive otherwise he'll be forgotten as we all will be one day but he was to big a person to let go. We tell Jake & Rhys all about him and to them I'm sure they will always think that they knew him well, which they would have done had things been different.
I know now we are all into the second round of everything, second xmas, second round of family birthdays, anniversaries etc, how can that happen without Kev? I don't know but it will. As Abbie wrote to me at the first year without him, its not right that she's turned 33 without Kev coming up to 35. I always thought that too, I always thought oh Kev will be catching me up as we get older, when I'm 70 he'll be 53, but I feel cheated, he'll always be gloriously 33 while we will age & decay. But please if you still read this blog add a comment and let us know we're not alone with loving him & missing him.
Love you Kev.
Love to all.x
I let a man out of a road today who looked soo much like Kev and he was driving a black '58'plate Golf.. i thought about how Kev never did get the golf he talked of for so long - was it coz he went to work in london.. or.. was it coz it didnt have any numbers or letters in the name 'Golf' like colin said XR3, Type R..
We've got fireworks at dinner club tonight and Kev would've loved em.. not in an amzing fabulous display kinda way but just in the way that most males love setting fireworks off - irrelevent of what they look like ;o)
I miss my big brother soo much and I miss him being an uncle to our boys :-( Kev, thinking of you and missing you always xXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXxxXx
I think the GOLF GTI would have been the next car and I think it would have been bought by now unfortunately that wasn't to be, so I'm hoping that wherever you are Kev the cars are fast with lots of letters after whatever they are. Mind you I don't think Kev would ever have had a FOCUS ST- not his style. Yes he would have loved Dinner club tonight, the banter & competition between him & Col would have been highly amusing. Kev we so miss you at all times but especially on nights as tonight.
One year, I can't remember how long ago about mid eighties (Lynn & Lou may remember) we lived in Hagden Lane,we had a big fireworks party with our neighbour Darren, us lot and our friend Tony( who is also no longer with us) it was such a good night as all the lads were in competition with the fire works at Watford football ground, of course our fireworks were much more spectacular than the football ground! But we must have made as much noise as the football crowd,it was such a laugh and those are the things we miss, now everything is tinged with sadness. Wherever you are Kev the fireworks must be great.
Watch out for Col's rockets!
Love you always & miss you forever.xx
..and another story that arose on tuesday night was how one year we went to my dad's step sisters (our step aunt but id rather not admit family connections with her!) for a fireworks party and we told Kev that a dog biscuit was actually a fig biscuit and he ate it.. apparently it didnt taste any different!! Kev wasnt normally the butt of the joke - more likely the instigator which is probably why it sticks out in my mind so much :-(
Now to also explain why i wouldnt want to admit family connection with Margaret (my dad's step sister) one time (we must've all been teenagers) she turned up drunk as a skunk on a sunday afternoon demanding her share of any inheritance from my grandad (he died in excess of 10yrs prior), obviously her request wasnt met (no money there) so she then started swinging her handbag at Kev and my dad.. not too bad you might think but her handbag had bricks in it she then also started spraying oven cleaner at them too.. she did eventually leave and never to be seen again but 'mad as a fish' springs to mind!!!
Wherever you are now Kev i hope you've not met up with mad margaret and that there's proper Fig rolls - you liked that sort of 'dirty' food ;o)
XXX xxx XXX xxx XXX xxx XXX xxx XXX xxx XXX xxx XXX xxx XXX xxx
I remember the year before we were in competition with Watford FC's fireworks, we sat on the roof and tried to get a freebie look at their's. I remember being very scared and I think that is where my fear of heights came from!!! My fear of birds is a totally different story - to do with baby pigeons flying round the house, in addition to being made to feed pigeons in Trafalgar Sq with one broken arm!!
It was then the following year that we actually went into competition with Watford FC, I remember that all the men were tying loads of rockets together to try and beat their display ones!!! We didnt have a fence between our garden and our neighbour, Darren. That would have been around the time that Dad and Darren made various people (Kev and Mum) carry a massive wooden box (complete wth lid) and then half way up the garden, out popped Darren - scaring the life out of the "helper" - we have pictures to prove this.
Those were the days
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Today i went to get the bunch of flowers that kevin brought me the Sunday before he died framed in a picture box. They look so lovely! :-(
Its taken me this long to actual get around to doing them, they have been hanging in Hannah's airing cupboard all this time!
Kevin buying flowers i hear you ask.......... well i think the only reason i got the flowers is because we had a 20% off voucher for Marks and Spencer when you spent over £50, so im pretty sure thats why i got the flowers!. Any way on the day i got them he text to say that there was a present for me in the downstairs toilet. I rushed home and found the flowers along with some white converse that i had been nagging him to buy me. How i treasure these trainers now and how upset was i when i wore them on a 10 mile hike with debbie and Steve and they got so filthy!!!!!
Kevin if you are around you will know how i treasure all the gifts that you brought me and now my flowers are neatly in a beautiful box on my fire place.
Missing you xxxxxxx
Natalie
I'd like to see your flowers sometime Nat, I do remeember thinking how lovely they were on the day I was there cleaning earlier on the dreaded day. I'm sure you're right about the 20% but as they say its the thought that counts and I'm sure they were bought with the best intentions, (Or he was guilty about something!)The last truly happy day of my life although we didn't know that then.
Lou, I think that it was Jane not me who was carrying the Box with Kev- We'll have to find the pics and see.xxx
Kev
I had my second stag on saturday night and how sorely you are still and always will be missed. As always we ended up in the Sports Bar (and did'nt see much Sport 'as usual :-)
You would have pissed yourself at the monster they paid to lapdance for me, i seriously nearly vommed and the bitch slapped with with her knickers for laughing out loud when Jay walked passed grinning. Its still unbelievable your not here with us and won't be at my wedding and I know there's nothing any of us can do about it but it doesn't change how we feel.
Love ya mate and your 'always' in our heart and mind x
Kev
I had my second stag on saturday night and how sorely you are still and always will be missed. As always we ended up in the Sports Bar (and did'nt see much Sport 'as usual :-)
You would have pissed yourself at the monster they paid to lapdance for me, i seriously nearly vommed and the bitch slapped with with her knickers for laughing out loud when Jay walked passed grinning. Its still unbelievable your not here with us and won't be at my wedding and I know there's nothing any of us can do about it but it doesn't change how we feel.
Love ya mate and your 'always' in our heart and mind x
Merry Christmas to my big brother -it just wont be the same without you xxxxxxxxxxx
How can we face a second xmas without you Kev? It will never be a happy xmas again. Whose going to put their drunken spoon into the trifle when I'm not looking? Whose going to cheat at any games? Whose going to have fun putting the kids pressies together? Whose going to pacify the olds by being their drunken charming self? Kev I'm very angry with you for going and making our lives so sad. Love you so much and miss you so much more.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Love Mum.x
Kev - and everyone - you'd have laughed this Christmas. Its 5pm and we're still waiting for our turkey!!! Mum spent loads of time this morning reading the oven manual and trying out the timing on the oven to make sure that the Turkey started cooking whilst they all went to the Artichoke. They got home and the timer had worked perfect and the oven was on - all was as it should be - except the turkey was still on the side!! He He
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Yes but the Dinner was good when we eventually got it! Kev would have had a good laugh with that, a tale for years to come.
Well Kev, here we are again back to the 28th Dec and we have to 'celebrate' (wrong word) your birthday without you, I wish we could go back 35 years and start again, would we do it different I don't know but we could try.
Colin married Emma yesterday, it was a lovely day and it was good to be there to see Colin so happy. But in my mind I kept thinking Kev you should be here not us, you should be here to see this and dance and drink with your mates. (you'd have had a big hangover this morn) Dad being his usual drunken self offered a lift back to the Best western to Rob & Geoff (Keep in mind the primier lodge incident with Gary & tash) well it happened again. Neither of them in their drunken states knew where the bloody hell the best western was so after driving this way and that way and round so many bloody roundabouts I was dizzy! So we found a Cab rank and they got a cab, probably back the way we came and it was only 2 minutes from the venue.I don't know if it was but I'm betting). Any way it was a very good day but you were sorely missed and not just by me. Love you Kev, 33 forever.xxxxxxxxx
The second valentines without you. Missing you still and wishing you were still here.
Love you lots forever xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Natalie
Hope you got the ballon x
On Thursday it will be 18 months without Kev-its still awful without him. I resent the things that he is missing, even the snow a few weeks ago, I know he would have loved it, probably would have gone with Col, Jake & Rhys and thrown snowballs and had a snowman building competition with them! (We all know how competitive he was.) My mum will be 80 on Tues, she feels she hasn't got enough time left in which to mourn him-lucky her maybe as we have possibly a lifetime left in which to feel always sad, always something missing. I was very sad this week when David Cameron's little boy Ivan died, you now know how it feels to lose a child, doesn't matter what age, they are still your child, still grew within you for a while, you gave them life, sometimes I feel I let Kev give his life away, should have found out more, should have been better informed, I know now how serious it was but I'm always one to look on the bright side, always think things will be alright, I know better now! Nothing will ever be completely right again in my world.
Anyway enough of the black stuff. We are going to walk for CRY with Just walks for 40km, which a route which starts at Goodwood and I think follows the sussex downs also we are doing the Bridge walks again in July, so will be asking for sponsorship so start saving, its so important for CRY to get funding to help diagnose young people with heart problems, they also support bereaved families and offer counselling etc. They've now found out its 12 young people every week that die so its an important charity.
Any way give a few moments thoughts to Kev on Thursday and remember how great he was and how much he is missed.
Love always Kev.
Mum.xxx
I miss you Kevin - cant believe that its been 18 months. Love you and miss you always, Lou xxxxxxxxxxx
Well - - 18 months.. what can I say - - the void left is actually bigger now.. Maybe that’s coz there’s so many things that we have conversations about and would have to ask Kev for the answers eg what happened when (what month Kev actually moved out of home), what he’s hotmail password was, he’s itunes password etc etc - - the list goes on, infact there’s not a day goes by where there’s not a question we need answering but only he can answer…
We’ve now reached ‘plural’ time, meaning, what was seconds was then hours, what was hours was then days, what was days was then weeks, what was weeks was then months, what was months IS NOW YEARS – technically we’re now nearer 2yrs than 1 and yes it is sadder now – although with time we’ve all come to deal with him going in our own little ways.. all different..
In the last 6 months we’ve finally got to meet/approach/confront another doctor involved in the diagnosis…. Dr Mason – he was actually an approachable kind of bloke but truly he’s some sort of Jeremy Clarkson of the medical world!!
What would Kev have made of the recession – recession, what recession?? I doubt it would’ve affected he’s spending ;o)
Ive had to find another music pimp Im afraid – infact he’d love the fact that I now possibly get CDs quicker than he did and so I could’ve become he’s music pimp infact..
Kev and Nat came round to mine one evening to help me look after Jake and Rhys (Rhys was only a few months old if that!!) Well im sure I scared the life out of em both what wiv Rhys being such a handful what with having the colic… unfortunately Rhysie hasnt grown out of the colic and so we’ve gotta take him to see a Gastroenteroligist.. Although he’s got a sensitive tum he’s got a lovely personally and Kev would’ve loved him – it makes me so sad to think he only knew him for a few months (20wks to be exact).. Also Jake’s really growing up now – going to nursery but then again he was only 20 months at the time.. again Kev would’ve loved to laugh at the both together..
18 months - - a whole different lifetime ago it feels :-(
Miss you so much Kev Love always
Lynn xox xox xox xox xox xox xox xox xox xox xox xox xox xox xox
I still wake up after having dreams of Kevin still with us, questioning whether he has really left?
That 3 second period of time that follows is hopeful and then the reality hits you like a blow to the stomach. The guilt sets in and the same old questions go over and over in your head.
You really wish you could turn back the clock and just have another minute, just a chat, laugh or a hug, but more importantly, give advice and look at the picture more seriously!
Time still hasn’t healed… not sure when it will? But I wish it would hurray up!
Kevin is still much alive in these photo’s and they keep me smiling. I am also really relieved when I see another message posted. Please keep them coming, everyone!
Kevin would have continued to be a great uncle Lynn and would have been a super Dad, given the chance. I am sure he is still with you all in spirit, watching and laughing as the boys grow up.
Miss you Kev and still miss you badly!
Love Abs x
Like you Abs I look on here all the time and await someones message - - BUT - - more importantly, and like yourself, i look at the pictures ALL the time.. i play the video where Colin must've had a new camera and everyone was saying 'come on..'.. just to hear Kevs voice again.. Ive got another video on my computer of Kev's voice - you cant see him but he;s talking to Jake asking him if he can say anything other than 'hello'.. at the time it was just kev practising the video using he's new nokia but it means so much now...... he so would've had an iphone now ;o)
If Facebook's reminders r right then i believe it's colin's b'day today - happy birthday Colin - 'you ole' git' - no doubt kev would say!!! And it's Nats tomorrow so happy b'day Nat - 'you ole' bird' - no doubt Kev would say again ;o)
This year (all be it the end of the year) - lou and I will be 33.... the same age as Kev - thats not right... how can we become the same age as Kevin..he's our older bruv!!!
But thats the way it will be :-( no matter how sad :-(
Lovely, as always, to read your heart felt message abs xxx
I agree time still hasnt healed - - its all just become the way it will be - im far more cinical than i once was (hard to believe for some perhaps!!) i find myself asking how old people were when im told of someone passing - - and - - sometimes - - if its someone of a good age i hold myself back from saying those words 'at least they had a long life.. unlike some..'.. i think ill always feel like that espically as me and lou will be overtaking kev's age in the next year :-(
Anyway - - just wanted to write rather than looking at the pics as norm.
love you always Kev - may you have a grand national winner wherever you are xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Yes we all should have taken Kev's condition more seriously, he did tell me in the beginning that he was f**ked! Trouble is you always think these things happen to other people- we now known better. Steve sez we were Careless- we should have found out more- well for our carelessness we have to live with the sadness and guilt forever.
19 months tomorrow, still looking for you, Kev, where are you, come back to me & make us feel whole again.
Lynn & col have gone out to watch the National, 3 years ago when Jake was a baby they went out to watch the National last and Kev was there too( and many other people I know) I believe it was a good day, in fact if Kev was there I'm sure it was.
I resent all the new music that Kev will never hear, how unfair is that, same as I resented us having snow.
I said to Steve the other day that people soon forget and don't mention it anymore and you don't want to mention it because after a while people find grief boring and we don't want to lose all our friends. So that only leaves a very select few people that you tell how you still feel. I want to talk about Kev he was such a big part of our lives, he was my baby!
Last night we went in Druids, the last time I was in there was with Kev & Nat, before we went for a curry on a Friday night. As Kev got older he never seemed to mind going out occasionally with the old man & the old dear, maybe it was because we weren't that MUCH older than him, any way he was agood son to us, (not that our daughters and other son aren't) so at least we have been lucky in that way and we have loved each other well and hopefully will continue to do so!
Sometimes I look at Jake and I feel he will be very competitive, like Kev, maybe it's being the eldest so we are already prepared for him to cheat! Maybe somethings are inherited- maybe he'll be a man u fan- Col would love that!!
Anyway to all out there, think of Kev often and mention him daily and NEVER forget him.
Love always Kev.
the old dear aka Mum.x
just have to say this is a very sill site when its publihed my comment 3 times and I can't delete them.!x
Regularly still look at the pictures on this site and they always cheer me up and make me feel sad at the same time - haven't known what to write on the blog for ages so just in case you missed it, the Man U game yesterday was brilliant - the new lad Macheda scored the goal of the season! title is ours and we are still on for Quintuple.
Good to see Lynn and Lou up the pub the other night (it had been a while) was a bit like group therapy between the 3 of us and I'm sure anybody near us must of have heard us and thought 'bloody hell there still talking about kev' but we don't care.
As like many of us I still think of Kev everyday and wonder what he would make of the things going on in our lives ... what would he think of me working for myself and buying a house? Kev was the best at giving advice and listening, I think he probably thought of himself of some kind of 'wise one' or oracle but he was just very straight and honest and there's not many people who tell you what you need to hear, they tell you what they think you wanna hear!
What would he make of Geoff's beard I was thinking the other night and laughing ... Geoffo that beard is amazing it should have its own facebook profile.
What would he think of Dave moving back to Watford? I think we all know that one (Get back up norf! :-)
I felt like we talked about Kev all night last thursday and it was great and at times emotional. I think Lynn and Lou enjoyed being amongst his friends and hear us talking openly about the good times we all shared. You could seriously write a book on the capers we got up to. Lynn you did make me laugh I don't know if you realised but you were seriously 'sluuurrrrring' your words by the end of the night, you must of had a monty headache the next morning I know me and smiffy did.
Keep writing folks and I still have many photos to put up here (when I get a chance) its all go working for yourself. Its saturday and I'm working now! But I was just thinking of the great man and thought I'd check the blog.
Kev your spirit lives on in us all
Love to all
Col no2 xOx
We definitely had a great night on Thursday - it felt like Kev was with us. Having a beer and a laugh. He would have been in fits of laughter watching me, Lynn and Becs walking up the High Street on the way home, all arm in arm (to keep Lynn up was the pretence - however, by this time I think it was helping all three of us). We did so well but Im sure we were doing the "one step forward, three steps back" and then we all stacked it and were like three woodlice on the floor - we couldnt get up for laughing so much. I did have a good chuckle about it in the morning wondering if we were caught on CCTV but we didnt care as long as we gave Kev a good laugh!!!
Friday was a bit of a washout with a sore head but Thursday night was well worth it!
Just enough time to recover for next Easter!
Love to all - especially my big bro Kev
Lou xxx
Glad it was a good night a few weeks ago, I'm sure Kev was having a good laugh about it! The girls definitely suffered the next day!. Couldn't even get Lou to go looking at Houses with me- she sort of wants to move back this way. Anyway she said last time we went out for a loaf of bread she ended up with a new car- well sometimes its good to throw caution to the wind! Anyway I'll get to her another day!. As usual I had to go aboard to have a good cry, unfortunately I blubbed to Steve about how I felt about Kev and he really listened and made the right comments but unfortunately he was so drunk that he can't remember what was said- never mind at least I felt a bit less like exploding. I wonder who my children take after for drinking!
Saw Rob in town the other day sez the girls made him feel so old- I did then remind him that he's not that much older!
I resent Kevin missing all these things and I hope he knows that Man.u are doing well.
Love you loads and miss you like hell Kev.
Love Mum.x
Oo i do like a good 'sllluuuurrr' after a few drinks ;o) was great to see people those many weeks ago and we must do it again, once you 'olds' have recovered hehe only joking we are only a few years younger remember ;o) xx
For those ive not yet reached with the justgiving website i just wanted to say about the CRY Bridges Walk again we're doing this year.. If you'd like to donate (and havent already!!) please visit http://www.justgiving.com/kevinsmart
since Kev went it's since been researched that it's NOT 8 apparently fit and healthy adults that die from heart conditions BUT actually 12!! Raising money for CRY will help; raise awareness, money towards screening and help for those families directly affected by Undiagnosed heart conditions either bereaved or affected..
It's now 21 months since Kevin went and, i guess, we've only now started to learn to live with this.. dont get me wrong - not to acccept or get over but to live with.. As perhaps most of you guys - we never ever forget Kev (who could eh!) and NEVER remember him less but we've learned to live with our grief.. I went to see a bereavement councillor dec to feb this yr and although at the time i didnt think she helped, perhaps she did.. she was a lovely hippy kinda lady and didnt really speak much but, as they do, got you to speak through things.. wow what an amazing talent to help without speaking (for a woman to not speak wow!!) - - OR - - is it just truly time?? Yes i think perhaps its just truly time.. you eventually come to stop doing things that became a ritual of constant sad rememberance, the way i drove to work was always through West Way, the music i listened to, all manners of things - sad rememberance - - please dont get me wrong - the sadness is still constant and the recollections of it all still fresh and the things that arise like the things you'd love to ask Kev about dont change you just learn that you cant change them!!! I still often think, when one of the boys are having a tantrum (and thats a few times a day), - 'what would Kev think of these two rascal nephews..' hummm and the saddness attached to never knowing!!. We perhaps learn to remember with the fondness in memories that kev deserves and when i say deserves i mean in the way he lived life to the full - his memories deserve to be recalled with happiness (not easy when you're sad) but he was such a wonderful, fabulous fantastic; son, brother, grandson, boyfriend and friend that he truly deserves a smile, a grin, a smirk every single day forever and always!!
Love, smiles, grins & smirks forever and always Kev
Your 'big' lil sis Lynn xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Love, smiles, grins and smirks forever and always Kev
Your lil "big" sis Lou
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Its still so near and yet so far since Kev went. I still cry most days and I know I will be sad for the rest of my life. I have to think that Kev knows about all of this that he's still around knowing and watching. Sometimes your thoughts run to places you don't want to be. It'll be 22 months sunday after next.
(Chris's birthday)We still do the same things but its not the same Kev's not there. Fridays are worst for me followed by Sunday morning and of course wednesdays (the day he went)I hate Watford hospital! Fridays sometimes we would go out with Kev, especially when he moved back to Ricky (before Nat & with Nat) One friday we went to Rasals Steve was so drunk that he slept through most of the meal, good job Kev was there otherwise it would have been very boring talking to myself. He didn't mind our company, I think pre Nat he was lonely- yes I do know there were a few ladies in between. He wasn't good without a woman- like most men. Kev was the only man I know who loved shopping- we had a good couple of trips to Ikea, one when Jake was a baby- good memories- even the every day stuff.
My Mum & dad are nagging about a head stone- such a difficult decision, its got to be right and say the right things, but I have promised them to get on with it so I must do it.
Anyway enough of the waffle, just needed to say a few things.
Anyway love to all. Love to Kev most of all- we miss you son.
Love Mum.xxxx
Well we did the walk for the second year yesterday. We all had our silent emotions and Jake and Rhys looked fab in their "Uncle Kevin" T Shirts. Jake did exceptionally well, walking most of the way (in between carrys from Mummy and Grandad). Rhys went round like a King in his buggy which we were all jealous of by the end!
Please sponsor us if you havent already on www.justgiving.co.uk/kevinsmart/ - he really is so sadly missed - EACH AND EVERY DAY!
Love you and miss you Kev xxxxx
As Lou has said we did the walk on sunday. Thanks very much if you've sponsored us, looks like we'll make in excess of £ 1000 this year. If you haven't sponsored us please do so on just giving, whatever you can afford, it all counts! Its such an emotional day, seeing so many sad families/friends of all those young people, one guy died last year(08)on his 22nd birthday, how unfair is that! Well as we know lifes not fair, how can it be when people live to over 100 & yet all those young people are gone, Kev amongst them. All that potential gone, its so sad. The walk is highly emotional and when we start off there's a singalong, You'll never walk alone, well that did it for me, tears were flowing before the end of the first verse, but on a lighter note it was quite amusing because Kathryn Harries, the opera singer is a patron of CRY and she does the walk & the warm-up sing song. Well this year she had her seven month old dog with her who decided he didn't like her singing so howled all the way through- so we had to sing it twice!
Jake & Rhys did really well, Jake for walking (apart from when he was being carried) and Rhys for sitting all that way in the buggy without moaning and then just at the end he fell asleep and missed the best part, drink & lunch, most welcome after walking and hauling the buggy up & down all those steps to the bridges, especially with all the tourists in the way! Well done to us all especially Steve who walked with a big hangover from martins stag do on Saturday, which was a day at the races, meeting at 10am in the white horse for bacon rolls and a drink, finishing around midnight, many many drinks later. Well he was there in body if not in mind and he didn't complain- he didn't dare!
I do sometimes wonder what Kev would think of us all doing these things, probably have a good laugh over it. Anyway we've decided we have to keep doing the walk on an annual basis for now at least so keep sponsoring us please. I think we have to keep doing it because there's not many places you can meet with people who you can empathise with and feel they actually know how you feel because we're in the same boat.
Love to all, miss you Kev.xx
Kev's been gone 99 weeks today, or 693 days or 16,632 hours give or take a few. Not long really but a lifetime ago.Life changed for all of us that night never ever to be as it was. We've all changed too.
That night still comes to haunt me as i'm sure it does for the rest of us who were there. Steve sez we all played our parts well that night, I know what he means, none of us lost it, we all kept that stiff upper lips, none of us showed that we were screaming inside. In my case I haven't stopped yet, don't know if I ever will. Why did I have to work out how long it was? Maybe because it makes me feel nearer to Kev, little silly things that don't make a difference to the bigger picture but makes me feel I've done something in remembering Kev although I'm doing that all the time. But as the poem says we make no outward show. People wouldn't know how to cope with us if we broke down every five minutes probably wouldn't have any friends left by now if we'd have done that. Grief is boring if you're not directly involved and grief is exhausting if you are. 23 months next weds- 100 weeks and life has moved on, but some of us are in the same place but are different people. A grief like this changes your perspective on life, when you see those body bags coming home, you know how those mothers feel or any killings or natural deaths, accidents etc. They were all living lives, had families, friends, loved ones etc but all that is left now is a hole that can't be filled and never will be.Love you Kev, always will and never forget how much.xxx
Well its a 102 weeks today since Kev went, in many ways it doesn't even seem 102 days but in other ways it seems a lifetime ago. The first year went fast enough but this year as Adam has said has pissed passed. Well September looms and brings back all the grief & longing and if onlys.(Not that they went far away)The headstone is ordered but probably won't be in place until November so we'll have to have some sort of marking of it- a sort of topping out- Kev would love that!. Don't forget folks lets all meet for a drink on 3rd Sept to raise a glass or two to Kev. Much loved and never forgotten.xx
A young man of 35 from Beccles hung himself on Monday - he used to play for Chris' pub team and help out behind the bar! Chris asked is I would go back to Beccles with him this weekend as they are playing a Football game in his memory - I couldnt! To me - he chose to die and however sad that is, he got what he wanted! But some people dont have the choice and so I didnt go as I felt I would end up saying something to offend someone or another. Kevin didnt have that luxury and so I have been thinking of Kevin EVEN more than normal, especially as 5th September looms, I get more and more sad - altho every day is sad but it just becomes more intense and I just want it to all be a bad, bad nightmare!
Day by day I think of you,
How can all of this be true?
I can't believe you're really gone,
I still can't accept it,
Even after so long.
Just the thought of you makes me cry,
I never even got the chance to say goodbye.
Every picture, every letter,
I don't know if it will ever get better.
I always smell your familiar scent,
It makes me think of all of the times we've spent.
I know we didn't always get along,
And every time we talked, it would sometimes go wrong.
So many things I never got to say,
I never imagined you'd ever be so far away.
You were my brother,
And I loved you like no other.
In my heart you'll always be,
You’ll be my guide and help me see.
I'll never forget your soothing voice,
I would take your place if I had a choice.
But now I have to let you rest,
Although without you my world's a mess.
I miss you with all of my heart,
I wish we never had to part.
I know you're always by my side,
So now I guess this is my goodbye...
As my mum said - lets all raise a glass or two on 3rd Sept - Kev will be there watching us all raise a glass or two!
I love you Kev xxxx
I know what you mean Lou- but who knows what torment the guy went through before he did that dreadful thing obviously his mind wasn't in the right place and maybe he had nobody to off load to- maybe he needed a blog!! I think you did the right thing by not going- least said soonest mended.Yes September looms again still as bad, maybe never any better. and how did it get to be two years already, that can't be right,I'm still wanting to be near when it happened as if we can still change it! Even Cornwall seems to me to be near Kevin and I'm glad we went after the 5th sept 07, I'm never sure if people understood us going,but I think we all needed to. Anyway here it is a again, less intense maybe but still awful. So we'll get through it as best we can and support each other, and love Kev for what he was and be angry with him for leaving us to be so sad!.And raise a glass or two of course.xx
Cornwall had to happen after Kev - and Im sure noone would ever think bad about us going. We had all planned to go together with Kev and so sadly when he couldnt be there - he would have wanted us to still go. We all had to be there for each other, even if we couldnt console each other entirely.
I remember getting there before everyone else (speeding obviously Im sure which I cant do anymore due to having collected far too many points on my license!!)and Chris and I walked the dogs by all the memorial benches in Padstow and it was so so sad but I know that that place will always remind me of Kev and I want to go there and remember Kevin!
I am looking forward to all being together, although we may not always realise it - we do need each other - and I really do know that - despite my sheer independance!
I am looking forward to Cornwall and feeling sad but also remembering the good times - even when we went as youngsters and me, Kev and Lynn looked like little travellers (nice word for pikies) due to our tanned skin!!!!
Love to you Kev - always and forever. I know you will be there in Cornwall - and in our dreams - as you always are! xxxxxx
Everybody Should know by now that we are meeting tomorrow night Thursday 3rd September at 7.30pm at the swankey new 'Feathers' in Church St Rickmansworth in memory of our dearest Kevin
http://www.thefeathers.co.uk/
It may only be 2 years since his untimely and sad passing but to me it feels alot longer. When you speak to someone every other day and see them almost weekly 2 years without that multiplies. Still a massive hole in our lives that can't be filled but what can you do? The only thing we can do is "remember" and cherish the memorys luckily of which we have many many. Always in my heart pal
Love Col
Hey guys. Our thoughts are with you. When I look at these photos, always have to smile. I've some classic photos kicking around from a trip to France when we were 12 or 13 or something. Will have to work out how to upload those.
Well its nearly here again, the worst day of my life (And also of Kevs obviously)That night will haunt me forever, I won't go into details, we who were there know how it was and believe me it was awful. Lets just say the Editors, smoking outside hospital doors is very apt. Unfortunately we can't turn around and start again as much as we would like that to be true.
Anyway here it is 104 weeks and 1 day after Kev going, 2 years in 2 days time. That dreaded day.
So hopefully anybody who knows Kev and loved him will be out for a drink tonight. 8pm at the Feathers in Ricky to raise a glass to our much missed, much loved Son, Grandson, Brother, lover & Friend.
All welcome hope to see you there.
(And hopefully you too Kev)
Love always & Forever.
Mum.xx
Hello
I am ashamed to say this is the first time I've visited Kevin's blog. I only met Kevin a handful of times but Lynn and Lou are some of my closest friends and I want to say I'm sorry if I've not supported you the way I should have.
This is a lovely way to remember Kevin and Debbie I admire your strength for what must have been some of the worst times of your's and Steve's life.
You guys have done some great things in Kevin's memory and I know your chosen charity and therefore other young people out there will be benefiting from your actions.
As I said I only met Kevin a few times, one of these times I remember particulary well as my 3 year old daughter fell in love with him!!! He was her first boyfriend and he was great, sitting next to her and chatting to her, much to our amusment!!... Now there's not many boyfriend's who do that these days!!!
I'm sorry I didn't make it for drinks on the 3rd but I certainly will be raising a glass to him and his also his lovely family this weekend, to whom I send my love at this time and always. x
'TO KEVIN and his family!' XX
Well we made it through the 2 year mark- a very sad evening was had by all and much drinking and in the end it got to be Lynn & steve saying they weren't going to bed as in lynns case they didn't want to leave the day behind, I do know what they meant but I'd had so many late nights and early mornings by that time, I knew I needed to go to bed although I stayed with it until we all went to bed- Kev would have been proud. That few weeks leading up to the anniversary is awful, it gets gradually more sad & upsetting as the 5th draws nearer, I don't know why, its only a date but its so awful you remember everything about that day in great detail, still wanting to change it.
Another significant date today, 2 years since the funeral, it was a day similar to today although with a cold wind as if to remind us Kev was no longer with us and our lives would be forever chilled without him- how right. And here we are again on the brink of another winter, of short days and cold long nights, I dread it again as I did two years ago. But hopefully somehow we'll get through it and find the highlights of Adams B'day, Lynn/Lou's B'days, Xmas, My dads B'day (81), Jakes B'day, new year etc and of course remember Kev's Birthday (when he would have been 36). This December the girls will be 33, as old as Kev was when he went- how surreal that will be!.
Much Love always.Love you Kev.xxxx
I too felt very sad yesterday remembering that it was two years before that we said our farewells to Kev on that sad day.
We were all at my Mum and Dads and it was Peronis all round, looking at childhood photos and listening to very relevant music on my mums Ipod - music which is now just about that time!
When the funeral hearse arrived - knowing that Kevin was there - We all went out to the drive and most of us couldnt control the tears. Me, Lynn, Adam and my Mum hugged. Then we all got into the first car and followed the hearse. It was a very long journey down a relatively short road, following the undertaker but when we got to the bottom of the road, we all chuckled at what people must have thought by the funeral tribute from our Grandparents!!!!! It said Grandson but the funeral directors couldnt fit it along the side of the coffin and so had to put it in in two parts! We chuckled as people would have thought we were following someone called "dson"! It was awkward laughs really.
We then arrived at Breakspear and there were so many people there - it was lovely. We all got out of the car and I remember I couldnt control my tears and also made a noise with them - thats was really it - it was real!!!!
We then had to wait for a while and again, I think my Mum, Lynn and I had a moment to have a smile and I cant even remember what at - but I do know it was again more awkwardness - wishing that we would all wake up from the nightmare!
The pallbearers were all ready - how on earth they managed it - I will never know! Chris was a pallbearer and had never even attended a funeral before! I saw him, carrying Kevin and he was so upset! Then my Dad did a reading - how? God only knows! We had then all chosen music - apart from Adam as Drum and Bass probably wouldnt have gone down too well!!!
At the end, there were so many people and I didnt want to really see anyone! Lynn, Chris, Martin, Jodie, Becqui and I just waited at the side after reading the messages on the flowers!
Then it was onto the wake - I loved the pictures of Kev and his mates and thank all the people who were involved in putting those together! It was great!
The Artichoke were wankers but thats another story!!!
I then had to go back to work for the first time the next day for two and a half weeks - I sat outside the depot in northampton crying my eyes out - I didnt want people to ask how I was!!! Luckily Julie had told everyone not to ask me. I was there in body but definitely not in mind - as I was for so many weeks after!
Kevin was in my dream last night - along with Jack Duckworth! Very bizarre! I wish it was real - not for Jack of course!
Love u always Kev - love to everyone too xxxxxx
I forgot to mention Colins fabulous Eulogy - which must have been very hard to both write to read! It was very special though and would have done Kevin proud! Then Kevins secret was let out of the bag - HE WAS A DUSTY SPRINGFIELD FAN!!!
This was marked by Nats song for Kev - Close to You by Dusty! This was very fitting and sad too.
Miss you Kev xxxxx
Now we're into October (The depressing month) don't tell adz as its his birthday at the end of the month so don't think he thinks along those lines! Anyway wots to look forward to but long cold nights and short dark days- oh I forgot xmas- yippee- Xmas thats shit now oh we make the moves and the noises and thank our lucky stars that we still have each other but such a big part of our family has gone and the dynamics have changed. I couldn't talk to my mum & dad for a few days, don't know why they annoyed me probably not even their fault-certainly not my dads. Anyway Steve & lynn told me to get in touch with them but the longer I left it the harder it was and I just kept thinking that Kev would have sorted it out for me. It didn't matter what he did he could always talk them round and he never minded doing it either. As lynn said he always managed to stay under the radar, we've decided that Lou does as well because she has those dogs!! (Who I might add she happens to be very fond of) Anyway we're back in touch again, I just said that I had been miserable which isn't untrue and sometimes the smallest things in life get to you.
Steve pointed out to me a track on the Elbow CD called Friends like ours, I think it makes him think of Kev, because he never told him face to face that he loved him and so did. Anyway have a listen to it. I might even have "love ya mate" put on the headstone if there's room. Its just so of our time and I'm sure Kev would have loved the album.
As I've said before I soo resent the fact that he hasn't heard all the music thats come out since he's been gone- but then again maybe he has! Adams record is in the shops tomorrow, don't know what its called but its by Dexcell. Fingers crossed with that.
109 weeks tomorrow and still as awful maybe worse in a lot of ways. People expect you to be alright now, but I miss Kev more now then when he first went and the sadness is exhausting sometimes. Love to all- love you Kev.xxx
Its now 26 months and 1 day since you went, Kev and still we miss you so much. Life will never be the same. We carry on as a family but the demigraphics have changed. There will never be Kev's family branch all hope of that ended on 5th Sept 07. We're the only family Kev will ever belong to, he wasn't allowed the choice of children or no children, he wasn't even allowed the choice of life. Somedays being without him is unbearable , in the end you can't think of him being gone because it would make you go mad, well thats how it makes me feel anyway. I know we're not the only ones, there are many like us, their children have died of natural causes, there are some who die in accidents or even worse are murdered, how do you live with that? And in a way even worse you send your child away to fight in some shithole and they return in a body bag. If there was a god would he allow that? I don't think so.
The death of a child leaves an emptiness that never can be filled. Don't get me wrong you still love your other children to pieces but they're not the ones that are gone. o yes I know its easy to put the person who is gone on a pedestal, they're not going to upset you anymore are they, but maybe you have to put them up there because you need to remember how they were, good & bad points, because you love them however angry they'd made you feel at times. That's what a mothers love is, unconditional. And Kevin, I will love you unconditionally for the rest of my life.
And I've just remembered what I came on here to say. Thank you Kevin, for giving a copy of the Editors, an end has a start, on the day you went. Not only did it become the anthem of grief, on the car stereo non-stop for over six months, (Still on there, number 2 disc) But it got us all into the Editors and we all have got the first album(The back room) and the third album (In this light and on this evening) We went to see them in Southampton a couple of Mondays ago,they were very good, so good that I have got tickets to see them in March. I'm just sorry that you're not around for your views & opinions on all this new music and even more so not to burn me anymore CD's.
Love always.xxx Mum.
Love always... Missing you more & more xxx xxx xxx always such a void in our lives...our days...our weeks... Our months... & even more, our seconds :0( xxx xxx xxx to missing ure phyiscal being is the worse thing... Even if we hadn't spoken 4 a week I knew u were there but to now b so far from that is too hard to bear....Love u miss u.. More & more :( xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
..& to add... How do we move on in our lives wiv such a void....we just do..................................somehow............
We've somehow accepted that kev wontgive us he's Xmas/b'day list& in turn we won't get gifts 4 our Xmas/b'day.... But that acceptance never ever means it's less sad or further away unfortunately it makes it so much more sad...but we learn to get by..........somehow.........
Love you kev -- miss u more today than yesterday & will tomorrow more than today xxx xxx xxx
Dear Kev,
Well here we are again at another xmas, the 3rd one without you, This year I feel bereft , i feel i want to scream, i don't want people to wish me a happy xmas, i know my xmas's won't ever be truly happy again!Just the missing of you is so awful, there are things i want to tell you, all that music that i don't know if you've heard- how unjust is that!All those things that you should have been doing, today, xmas eve, obviously you would have already been up the pub or at least on your way. then tomorrow morning you would have turned up with that stupid half pi**ed look on your face, ready for more drink up the Arty, and then an afternoon of silliness, like the time you & col had a bet who could stay awake the longest-can't remember who won, but i do know our xmas's were so much more fun with you here, how could you go & do this to us. Leave that dreadful void in our lives. Love & miss you always.
Mum.xxxx
Happy Birthday Kev - love and miss you always, Lou xxxx
Missing you Kev xxxx
Its been 2 1/2 years today and its still as painful.
I knew that today, you were in my thoughts and in order to maintain my sense of composure throughout the day, I had to keep the thought that I would have my own time to think about you. I then got home and after many phone calls, closing off the week, I put on my ipod and the first two songs to play were from your funeral! Imagine how shocked but also slightly impressed I was! I then watched Eastenders and it was the funeral of Bradley and it wasnt sad that it was his funeral (Im still not that pathetic!) it was sad cos of my own memories, ones that I would gladly relive if it brought me closer to you in some way! But, ultimately, I would give anything to have you back - even just for one hour or to swap!
Anyway - I miss you and I would give anything....xxxxx
I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake from which I'll never part...God has you in his arms, I have you in my heart xx
Can't help but think so much of Kev during the World Cup just another one of those that he loved and another thing thats not the same (or really important) I was gonna get an england shirt with pods on the back and lay it over his headstone but then i though how long would it be before somebody knocked it and I'd be pissed off... Oh well kev the thought was there (and always is and will be) still feel very sad that your not here my friend and how another stag doo has passed that you weren't part off .... nothing really is the same anymore it just showed what a massive part in our lives you played
xxx
still enjoy looking at the photos - miss you mate
Hi all,
I met Kevin whilst doing a Saturday job at Iceland in Rickmansworth(must have been 1988-1989 I think).
I didn't really know him prior to this as I was in Durrants and he was obviously a Ricky lad.
I got to know him well enough over a period of a year but lost touch when we all left school and moved on to bigger and better things.
I remember a guy who was very funny and as quite a few people have mentioned, he had a very infectious laugh. A genuine guy who always had time for people even at that early age.
There were probably about 10 of working there all about the same age and we had a great laugh-either eating most of the stock or having food fights!
One of lads working with us was James Donnelly who also passed away at a very young age.
I hadn't heard the awful news (I moved to Dublin in 04)and just came across a comment on the Rickmansworth School facebook site tonight-googled Kevin's name and found this blog.
As I say I didn't know him that well but just thought I'd post a quick comment.
Rest in peace Kevin
Soon it will be three years but sometimes it still feels like a bit of a nightmare that we'll all wake up from and he'll be there - as large as life. Sadly it isnt and we had another trip to Cornwall that he couldnt join us for. I did the Camel trail on my own and I spent alot of time remembering back to the year when he came down and we were all competing for the yellow jersey!!!
Soon, I'll be living around the corner from his house and Im just so sad that I wont get to spend nights staggering home from his or vice versa, or sharing a cab home from Ricky.
Miss you Kev - each and ever day xx
Hi Guys, Haven't been on the blog for a while and then I met Andrea in the park the other day who told me that they had found some photos of Kev and Colin had posted them on the blog. So thanks for that, its always good to see some new photos and believe me they're few & far between. I've only just brought myself to look at them because I couldn't face it before. Do not believe that time heals because it doesn't, it might make it less intense but its still awful. We are now coming up to the few weeks before the 5th September when for some reason the grief builds up & up until you could scream, I can't believe its 3 years, Kevin how could you have left us for all that time, I still want you to know that we still want you back,so if you can make it please do.
It was good to see an old friend of Kev's from the Iceland days commenting on the blog. Its always good to know that Kevin was well thought of by so many people.
We are having a remember Kevin day at ours on 5th September at about 2pm, so all welcome (kids too) to celebrate his memory and to be sad that he's been gone from us for 3 years. And of course raise a glass or two in his memory, after all what else would you do with a Smartie!! Love always Kev, miss you like crazy. xxxx
Just a reminder that on Sunday 5th September from 2pm you are all invited to our House (April Cottage, Bridle Lane, loudwater, Rickmansworth, WD3 4JG.)to share a few memories of our beloved Kevin who left us on that day 3 years ago. Please come if you can. Love Debbie.xx
You're in our minds still mate.
felt a random need to remember kev tonight.. often do but want to catch up with other comments, wow 3 and a half years, really!! like i say still think of you kevin, funny times, and being a mum now i look at my boys now and pray they will be safe forever! no good at these post, far to emotional..'hope all is well, just round that corner:)'x Debs louise lynn lets have a new poem i love them xx
A thousand times we needed you,
A thousand times we cried,
If love alone could have saved you,
you never would have died,
A heart of gold stopped beating,
two twinkling eyes closed to rest,
God broke our hearts to prove he only took the best,
never a day goes by that you’re not in our hearts and souls.
another great one louise, you have me every time! the words are soooo spot on! xxxx
never far from our thoughts
i know you're never far away kev my lovely brother xxx
i definately know youre not far away coz rory's always looking and reacting to things that dont seem to be there!!! love you and never a day or hour goes by without you in my mind xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i know you're never far away kev my lovely brother xxx
i definately know youre not far away coz rory's always looking and reacting to things that dont seem to be there!!! love you and never a day or hour goes by without you in my mind xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i know you're never far away kev my lovely brother xxx
i definately know youre not far away coz rory's always looking and reacting to things that dont seem to be there!!! love you and never a day or hour goes by without you in my mind xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
see - 3 x thats how much!!!! ;))xxx
OMG. It's been a while since I've been on this blog, good to see a few new pics. And then I started to read the comments- I was going to bed & now here I am in my kitchen still reading 2 hours later!! I know now that my penance in life is to forever move Kev's records around. When we moved they went to the big yellow storage, it's not an option to get rid of them, don't ask me why it's just not even open for discussion! Anyway after realising how much it was costing we got them out & were going to take to Cornwall to put in loft there but it would have meant at least 2 trips to get them there , so we put them in the garage in Ricky, then Steve decided they needed to go in loft in Ricky , after a whole year of telling me he didn't want anything in the loft!!! Anyway I'm sure Kev had a good giggle to himself on Thursday eve to see me emptying each box of records out, taking box upto the loft & then taking records up in piles while Steve reloaded said boxes & stored. 9 heavy big boxes of records up a rickety ladder!! Yes Kev would certainly have laughed. Anyway in one of the boxes there were 2 cd's Otis Redding & a burnt copy of Abbey Road by the Beatles, all the tracks beautifully written out by Kev ( always had love writing) and such a diverse taste in music! We even found Pinky & Perky plays pop! Which Steve insists must be mine, but it wasn't, Kev either brought as a joke or investment!! Anyway even after 4 years, you're still there in our every day lives, sometimes I feel you there, I'm sure Rory does see you as he smiles at something sometimes but nothing is visible. Which would be typical you always playing a trick!! The pain of losing you is still intense with the blink of an eye , a reminder of your handwriting & the remembering that brings a tear to the eye. Not that I ever want to forget you for one second!! Ever, ever, love you, want you & miss you so. And I'm going to bed now, so night night, son.xxxx
Happy new year big bro - miss you in the "wall" and didnt see any feathers this time - although Im sure you were there xxxxxxxxxxx
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